The dog is off-leash, my friend

“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.”
~ Anthony J D’Angelo

This may be a bit of a no-brainer, but here’s what I decided last night when I went to bed and lay there waiting for sleep to find me:

Chris is clearly an asshole. I don’t care that he’s recently gone through a divorce, has had some other baggage-inducing issues go down for him, I don’t care that he’s probably a little pissed at the world. Nothing that has happened to him has anything to do with me, and there is absolutely no reason to have behaved toward me as he has. And he’s really been unkind, to put it mildly.

Yes, I am wildly attracted to him and the immature me of not-so-long-ago would have taken the low road and really thrown herself at him, illogically thinking that somehow I could worm my way into his heart and/or his life. Now? Hey, I’m disappointed that things didn’t happen a different way, but I am grateful when it comes to the clarity I have been provided regarding his true personality and motivation.

I don’t want to completely badmouth him because I think there’s a really good man underneath his swagger and machismo, but he’s constructed a wall with those characteristics that won’t let anyone see that good man. My hope is that he heals and finds his peace – although hey bra, I won’t be around to see it.

What I think will probably happen is that sometime in the not so distant future, I’ll run into him and he’ll put his moves on me – it’s just what he does, it’s how he confirms his virility. Here’s to hoping I have my wits about me when it happens because if I don’t, I’ll go home with him and the next day there won’t be enough hot water in the world to wash off the thought that I let that dog make me his chew toy again. I’m not a fragile woman, but I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I expose my vulnerability only to have it thrown back in my face at a later time.

And that was my Saturday night.