life on the outside.

so.  joaquin is two weeks old today.  this also happens to be his "official" due date.    it’s kind of mind-boggling when i think about it.. i have a REAL LIVE BABY, and he’s two weeks old already!
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my birth story was sort of dramatic and frustrating, but at the end of the day, he arrived healthy, i was healthy, and everything that i hoped would happen post-birth (bonding, breast-feeding) DID happen, so regardless of the journey, i’m happy with the outcome.

but if you ask me to describe the birth, you’ll likely still get tears and emotions that i haven’t quite worked all the way through.   just ask my doctor, who i saw today for my two-week check-up.   he looked at me with a very serious look of concern on his face and said, "OK, i’m a little worried about you."  

but i’m not worried, i just don’t want to have to re-live it over & over again, but as it happens, everyone seems to want to know all about it.   the short story is this:   we trained, studied and practiced for several months to welcome joaquin into the world naturally and medication-free, and at the end of the story, i ended up getting an epidural which then led to pitocin, which ultimately led to a ceaserean section.   which was, in my mind, the worst possible outcome i could have had.

BUT.  my body and this baby had other plans and so things needed to happen that i couldn’t have anticipated.    

AND AGAIN, at the end of the day, momma and baby are healthy and happy, so to dwell on the process just seems like a waste of time.  so i’m doing my best just to focus forward and try not to feel like my body (and mind) "failed" me.

SO ANYWAY.

joaquin is a great baby.  he cries like a pteradactyl when he’s upset, but he pretty much only gets upset when:   a) he has a dirty diaper b) wants to be held or c) wants to eat.     AND MAN, does this boy like to eat.

THANKFULLY:   breast-feeding has been (mostly) a non-issue.   it was hard/painful the first week, but now that we have figured out some rhythyms and solved some latching issues, it’s really not bad at all.    and what amazes me about it is this:   this baby is surviving soley on m body – still.   he needs so little, but he gives back so much.    it’s not "easy" feeding a growing baby around the clock, but it is rewarding and it’s so very worth every moment..

he has his first official pediatrician appointment tomorrow, so i’ll (maybe) have time to write about his initial growth and development thus far.   

but as for now, he looks and acts like a happy baby, and that’s really all i need in life right now.

and back to the baby i go!