circle of life. *edit

yesterday was officially 33 weeks and we got to see jr.’s FACE via ultrasound.   it was wonderful.   but we didn’t get a clear pic of it, unfortunately.   we’ll all just have to wait until his face emerges into the light of the outside world.   but for now, he’s quite comfortable in there, thankyouverymuch.  we’re adjusting our expectations from 9/12 as the due date to 9/20.   on average, first time mommas deliver around 41 weeks and 1 day, and all due dates are based on a 40-week timeline.   i don’t want to get super anxious around 9/12, so i’m just going to focus on 9/20 and if he comes earlier than that, wonderful!   

in related news, we hired a birthing & post-partum doula and feel very good about the additional support aaron will have in his "coaching" efforts.   based on our training so far, we’ve learned that the longer you labor at home vs. the hospital, the less likely you are to need unecessary interventions.   since our goal is a drug-free, intervention-free birth, the labor-at-home part is super important.    i anticipate that we will feel more comfortable laboring at home if we have an experienced person guiding us through it, so it makes us feel so much more confident in sticking to our training (as much as possible, and with the main goal being healthy mom, healthy baby).    

it’s fascinating that the more i learn about the various stages and purposes of labor, the more confident/less freaked out i feel.   i know it’s going to be painful, i know it’s going to be hard, but i’m just not as scared about it as i used to be.    i know all the pros and cons of drugs and interventions, and while i know that it won’t be the end of the world if we have drugs & interventions, i also know that breastfeeding and bonding likely happen much more quickly and more easily if our boy arrives without anything in his system.   same for me!

in sad news, we took cosette into the vet right after our doctor appointment to investigate some recent red flags we’ve been seeing.   after a physical exam the vet wanted to do bloodwork and xrays based on a mass she felt when examining cosette’s abdomen.   a couple excrutiating hours later, our worst fears came true when they showed us a giant mass that has taken over her belly.   we were just there in mid-april for an unrelated issue where she also had xrays, and there was no sign of this mass.   basically, it’s been growing in there super aggressively and it appears to be on her spleen.   there’s lots of possibilities of what it can be, but most likely it’s the worst case scenario based on her rapidly declining health in the past week.    there’s likely not a lot we can do about it since she’s so weak, so our goal right this moment is to make her comfortable and snuggle her until we know more.    but the prognosis appears to be that she only has a very very short time left (weeks, maybe less) and i’m devastated.

*edited to include this pic that didn’t upload the first time for some reason
 

A pic from last summer

it was such a roller coaster day yesterday – on the one hand we’ve got our little boy getting ready to meet the world, and on the other hand we’ve got our little old lady getting ready to leave it.

would love if youse could send strength, love and light our way… we want to make sure cosette leaves this world as comfortably as possible, which might mean a very hard decision in the very near future.

ah, such is the circle of life.

this past weekend we had our "babymoon" at an adorable b&b in palm springs.  
this is me, pondering the future with jr.