baby and ladypart things.

i’m a day away from being 36 weeks pregnant (aka NINE MONTHS!!!   !!!   !!!)   1 week and 1 day away from being 37 weeks, which is officially deemed "full-term"!   by my expert estimation, this baby should be evacuating himself from his warm, comfy home between 29 and 37 days.   or so. 
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the mind reels.

we had a week-long marathon of company in town last week which decreased my productivity levels to just about nil.   even though! i have many many many days worth of "work" to do, now i am thinking i will double up on my efforts to Get Things Done because there is just simply too much.   this includes actual WERK and then also BABY RELATED WORK.   there are still so many things to do and i have no idea how we are going to get them all done by the time jr. gets here.  but then optimism sets (aka delusion) and i tell myself.. everything will just magically fall into place.    i then sigh and rock back and forth in the corner, drooling with my thumb in my mouth.

on a positive note:  the days go by REALLY fast from a mental perspective.

HOWEVER: my body is getting really discomfortable these days and i’m getting pains in places i don’t want to get pains.  such as:  my pubic bone area.   i won’t get into too much detail because i don’t really know how to describe it, but wise women before me have described it as "the feeling you get the day after you ride a horse for a REALLY long time" or "like someone straight up kicked you in the ladyparts."   so that’s been fun.  

my internet googling and reading skills have informed me that this is my cervix softening, getting ready ready for baby to engage, so it’s considered "normal"  but i’m still going to ask my doctor  "WTF is going on" when I see him tomorrow.    because, OW.  

ESPECIALLY when i wake up in the middle of the night (which averages to about 12,834,985,398 times per night).  it takes quite some time for me to a) roll over then b) hoist myself into a sitting position c) swing my legs over the side of the bed d) gingerly exit the bed and walk to the bathroom while my ladyparts cry in agony e) then! sweet relief when my bladder is no longer in distress f) make my way back to the bed for 50 or so minutes before i repeat the whole process again.

good times.   i actually KIND of dread going to bed at night because it’s such an ordeal to get from point a to point e from the sleeping positions.   anyway.  i just keep telling myself ONLY 29 to 37 days left!  because when i think about it in DAYS vs. WEEKS, it feels REALLY REAL.  like, OMGWTF this is really going to happen.

but honestly, i feel more excited than scared of giving birth.   we have our first official meeting with our doula today, and all the classes we’ve been taking have really helped us feel like we have some choices/control over what may or may not happen in the labor and delivery process.   and i am STILL keeping an open mind about what may or may not happen while simultaneously preparing my body as much as possible for the very real possibility of a natural, unmedicated birth experience.  

in case you are wondering, i’m still running just a little bit – a mile here or a mile there.   mostly, i’m doing a lot of walking – my daily goal is 3.5 miles, and i usually hit that 3+ times a week.  on the other days, i may do a walk/strength training combo, or some pilates, or some yoga.    i’m very proud to say that i have engaged in SOME form of activity every single day of my pregnancy, and i hope to continue to do so for the next 29-37 days.     or so.    and guess what!   labor is AN ATHLETIC EVENT for which i have been "training" for many months now.   i can’t wait to see what my "time" is.   ha!

anyway.      i’m still recovering from the passing of my sweet little c.  while it was nice to have distractions and friends and energy around us, we really haven’t properly mourned yet and so i’m taking my moments as they come this week to just process and deal with all the feelings i have surrounding the emptiness i feel when i realize she’s actually gone and won’t be coming back.   in some ways, i don’t want it to get "easier" because i want to remember her every day.   but i also want to be able to stay positive and upbeat considering there’s a human being in my belly that absolutely feels everything i feel.  and i don’t want to impact him negatively.   so i try to balance out my sad sessions with lots of laughing/happy/zen sessions.     

and so i go.