Transitions…..

It’s so many things going on right now. I recently moved me and my son to central Florida from south Florida. I just needed a change. But things are so lonely here. For me and for my son. We still travel back and forth to South Florida to visit family, his old dojo, and our friends but I mean, the circumstances here make it even harder. He’s homeschooled but he was supposed to reenroll in his activities up here – basketball, music lessons, martial arts. But now he’s refusing to do any of it. I work from home. So I expected to be struggling but this virus has made things so isolating. I’ve been working more than normal so I have had no opportunity to get out and meet people. So I have been stuck in the house with my son…. which was cool for the first couple of weeks but now he is being super annoying. He’s refusing to do his school work. He’s refusing to do anything. He won’t go outside. We got into this huge argument last night because he’s refusing to do his schoolwork, which turned into ugly words….he’s 15 years old like I don’t know what else to do. I’m so frustrated. I’m a single mom. I’ve tried to love him enough. I’ve tried to give him everything. I’ve supported him and introduced him to life. We’ve traveled and I’ve done everything and I just get really frustrated when he acts like that. I’m between this frustrating child and this big pool of grief. This land of stress associated with my job and then like……I top it of with listening to people’s problems all day. How do I emotionally come back from that every day? And I’m supposed to be the strong one. Like everybody looks at me like the strong one and it sucks. Because on the inside I want to just crawl somewhere and just die. These thoughts of dying have been so profound but I know its not an option for me. So what does that leave me as an option? To continue swimming. Continue pushing. Trying to find ways to inspire him and inspire myself to keep going….what other choices to do I have?