Saving Lives

Today has been my first chance to write in like forever. It’s the end of the semester and finals and final papers…. everything has just been so unbelievably crazy. Then the break into my house….Today I have been really stressed out. Here I go doubting myself again. I have this job. I have this amazing job where I save lives. But that’s not good enough for me, I have to have blind ambition and want to INFLUENCE and CHANGE lives- not just save them. I’m not sure why I am completely freaking out about this right now. I mean, normally I am this together person. I’ve made this choice to walk away from Respiratory and become a Social Worker. But now I am freaking about that decison. Someone once said that I should allow myself to become extraordinarily but is that THIS path or is it another? I have always wanted to be this Social Worker but I took the deviation into Respiratory because I was pregnant and needed to take care of a baby on my own. Then I became this amazing respiratory therapist. I’m not bragging -I’m stating the obvious. Even the doctors tell me so. Now, this social work path has completely thrown everyone off. It has thrown me off. Whenever anyone hears that I am going to school, they’re always thinking that I am going to be a physician assistant or at the least a ICU nurse. They don’t understand the Social Work because I make decisions that save lives and I would be totally walking away from that. Why am I freaking out right now? I am like one of the most together people.

Jayden’s dad is going on with his bullshit again. I am so sick of this dude. I mean- for real. He is like ridiculous. I don’t even try to be momma and daddy. I just try to be a very good mother and whatever. I’m really getting sick of this dude.