alone
god damn it hurts. it hurts being this alone. most nights I accept that im all alone. I don’t let it bother me. but it has been killing me.i have no one. I used to have my sister but she has her own life and dreads even talking to me. I do the same thing every single day. I watch tik toks, Netflix, and go on insta to stalk people in my school living their best lives. but im here all alone. it makes me suicidal honestly. if I were to die right now it wouldn’t affect anyone. I don’t even have anyone to call if im having a bad day. I don’t even have one friend. everyone who I once loved has left me. my heart hurts. I’ve been alone for a year now. I am a ghost inside my body. I don’t even know who I am anymore. no one loves me. no one cares for me. im nothing. it hurts so fucking much. I walk around my house everyday acting like im fine when im dying on the inside. I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay. that I will get passed this. but the thing is I don’t even trust anyone to hold my hand anymore. I’ve been doing this for a long time I don’t even know what I feel anymore. im so lonely. when will it stop. I’ve been depressed since 2019. it hurts. it really fucking hurts. my heart is aching. but it’s ok. I’ve been alone for long enough. ill make it. ill be fine. I’ve been alone for almost all my life… I don’t think anyone can even do me right. I just cant take it anymore. I cant.
I don’t know you and surely never will, but I’ve read some stuff you’ve written here and I wanted to write you something just in case it might help
‘ I watch tik toks, Netflix, and go on insta to stalk people in my school living their best lives. but im here all alone. it makes me suicidal honestly.’
Try to not spend too much time in front of a screen. Start an exercise routine, just to feel good, at least for 1 hour a day. It’s the best natural drug for depression. You can exercise at home. For example, do 50-100 squats everyday, from monday to friday, as a challenge for a few months. Follow fitness channels and take it seriously, it’s worth it.
Another thing. You may feel alone/depressed/overall bad mood today, or tomorrow, or a few weeks from now, but it will pass. Sooner or later you will feel better. It’s a fact.
And I think I’ve read in other posts that you’ll start college soon. You will meet new people there, surely. So, dont’t worry, you just had bad luck living there, but some years from now, your life will be different. You just have to stay strong until then.
‘ I don’t even know who I am anymore. no one loves me. no one cares for me. im nothing.’
Always remember, there’s people out there who would love you, and you would love them as well. In a good way, as a person, not necessarily romantically. You just have to go out there and meet them. Now maybe you can’t, due to complex circumstances, but eventually you will. have the opportunity. It’s a dark phase in your life but it will pass.
I wish you the best. Stay strong!
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