Extended family stuff and things

Urgent capitalised email from my daughter – "MUM I NEED TO CONTACT YOU, IT’S URGENT."  I saw this email one day last week when I got home from work and immediately replied that I’m home and she can call me.

Her half-brother, my stepson had just died.  He was 39 years old.  The day before, he had been diagnosed with leukaemia and the plans were to control an infection he had and then start him on chemotherapy.  He had been taken to a hospital in London – not a local one, so perhaps that should have been a clue – but then hindsight is wonderful, isn’t it?

It’s spooky that this is almost exactly what happened with my first husband.  Ron (first husband) died of leukaemia aged 27 and the only difference is that his wasn’t diagnosed until after death.  Ron had been at work until three days before he died and stepson had been working up to a week before he did.  Both just felt unwell with no energy getting worse until they just "failed."  Can’t think of a better way to say that.

Ex arrived in the UK with my replacement and two of her children.  Daughter and baby arrived three days later.  Daughter moved to Canada when she was 14; she’s now 25.  She moved out there with a five-year passport which had expired, never been replaced and now can’t be found.  Apparently the British Consulate were amazing and issued her with emergency travel documents so she could come to the UK and attend the funeral, but with the condition that she renews her passport whilst here.  And of course, it’s me who has to do all this for her (and pay for it!).  I’ve had to arrange an appointment with the passport office in London for tomorrow using their fast-track service which means the passport should arrive here the day before her flight home is arranged.  We couldn’t use the 24-hour service because it’s a replacement for a lost or stolen passport, not a straightforward replacement.  I filled in the passport application for her and have been nagging her since she arrived to give me passport photos.  Finally, with no sense of urgency, she got them to me last night.  Then I had to find a professional person to sign the countersignature bit – someone who has known her for at least two years, isn’t a relative of any kind and has the necessary qualifications or job status to do that.  Not easy at all when the person being countersigned hasn’t lived in the UK for over 10 years.

Son isn’t bothered at all by all this.  The last time he saw his half-brother was 7 years ago when daughter came over here for her 18th birthday.  Half-brother hadn’t been in touch since ex and I split up; so to son, he’s really not much more than a stranger.  I also hadn’t seen him for the same length of time, but I do have memories of him living with us during much of the school term times as his mum lived in a lock house and transport to his school in our town was virtually impossible.

Stepson had a son by Stevie, they separated, then he had a daughter and son with Lanna.  Then they separated and he got back with Stevie and married her last year.  Stevie has forbidden Lanna to attend the funeral but she’s going to go anyway and sit quietly at the back.  As she says, "We may not have got on at the end, but he gave me two beautiful children and I want to say goodbye to their dad for their sake."  I’m keeping out of it, but I always thought Lanna was a lovely person and Stevie a first class b*tch.

I’ve had a couple of telephone conversations with ex.  All very civil and polite.  I do feel sorry for him; people should bury their parents, not the other way round.

Daughter still isn’t a nice person.  I know she’s had a crap time living with ex, being taken to a new country, getting a stepmother and all that, but the old saying about "what doesn’t break you makes you stronger" didn’t apply here… it’s just made her selfish and grasping.  Her current boyfriend (her baby’s father) is a fantastic person and I really hope she starts to appreciate him and doesn’t drive him away like she has all her previous partners.  This is disloyal and here is the only place I would say it.

The funeral is next Monday.  I don’t know yet whether it’s flowers or donations to a charity; I suppose I need to find that out quite soon now!

There is loads more going on, particularly to do with work, but I need to get to work now… so later, tomorrow, sometime…