WHAT’S LEFT BEHIND, WHAT LIES AHEAD…

First of all, this is going to be a very long entry. I can’t say I haven’t warned you already.

As usual, Big Brother T has always made my life more interesting and busier. Basically, my life has felt more like another soap opera or a movie lately. Am I the leading character? Hmm, sometimes I am I guess, as usual.

After Thursday (October 17), T and I had agreed to meet the girls on Sunday (October 20). However, something came up. T’s recent partner Mr.Quiet Lad (QL) wasn’t feeling well. He was also not ready to meet T’s other friends – especially in public. (That was related to the fact that he also wasn’t ready to ‘come all-out’. I even had to give him some serious space when we’d first met face-to-face!)

Somehow, things had gotten more tangled up with misunderstanding. Dewi and Novel had been waiting for us at fx when T told Dewi that he couldn’t come. Somewhere along their frantic conversation, Dewi thought T had said that I was sick when the pronoun was ‘he’ (referring to Mr.QL).

In the end, Dewi had been furious with both of us. I was sick with worry. T promised me that he’d take care of this, since he was the one mostly responsible and I was just keeping my word. (He’d asked me to keep Mr.QL a secret until he was ready to tell them himself.)

Honestly, I couldn’t enjoy the rest of that week very well. I was dreading a lot. On Wednesday (October 23 – Dad’s birthday), I briefly hung out with T and ‘Goddess M’ at Setiabudi One and Ambassador Mall before going to my four o’clock company class.

That weekend (October 26 – 27), I attended the writing workshop in Casa Krakatoa, Anyer. How was it? It was a very nice escapade from my very stressful and demanding life and job lately, but…not enough. I was still tired and unhappy that I badly needed to break free.

The good thing? An editor and a scriptwriter were interested in my writings.

And no, I’m not screwing this rare chance up.

On Monday (October 28), I was hanging out with T, ‘Goddess M’, Dini (whom T and I met in Bali last year – T’s old friend as well), and Tya from work (who’s also a friend of ‘Goddess M’s.)

We had brunch at Kenny Rogers’ in One Pacific Place. After that, Tya had to rush back to work. (I was still on-leave.) But Dini still managed to go with us to Ambassador Mall, before she finally had to pick up her six-year-old daughter Naia from after school.

Then T, ‘Goddess M’, and I hung around Lotte Avenue until late. We had to share a cab home. T had to get off at Kuningan City, because Mr.QL was waiting for him there. ‘Goddess M’ dropped me off in Sudirman before carrying on to BSD. I went home by bus to a different direction.

<p style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);”>Apparently, while I was in Anyer for the writing workshop, T had been meeting the girls. (Later, he told me that he had to do that to clear things up from that Sunday, and also to help me to chase away my worries. Good, thank God.)

By then, Lady Oracle had already returned from Vietnam.

T said all had been cleared off and everything was (or should be?) okay again. Dewi had asked him not to bring that Sunday up again – and T agreed. (Well, me too.)

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to catch up with Yukes and her husband Andy while they were here. (They had been here from October 16 to November 3 – travelling to Lombok, Bandung, Bekasi, and then Jakarta. Now they’re back in Sydney.) Although we both understand each other very well, it still feels sad.

The newly budding romance between T and Mr.QL couldn’t last. They couldn’t find a consensus for their situation, which might possibly cause an issue to their relationship in the future. (He can’t stay here, while T hates the cold.)

Mr.QL went back to Europe on November 1, leaving poor T heartbroken. (I had to console him through the rest of that week.)

Travelling helps to ease the pain…even just a bit. T went to Bandung and then to Bali for a few days before we had dinner with the girls at Cali Deli, Office 8, on November 8. (He and I had still managed to celebrate my 32nd birthday on November 4 together. It was one of the best days of my life – and he gave me a complete set of zumba DVDs!)

I love him so much. He’s my best friend and big brother.

So, how was dinner with the girls?

It went well. No drama. We ate, talked and laughed about general stuff. We took pictures too. None of us mentioned anything about that Sunday.

Saturday was…sad. Hectic too, since we had to make sure T wouldn’t miss his flight back home.

I couldn’t concentrate at work all day. After that, I rushed to Plaza Semanggi to meet T there. We had to deal with a credit cellphone provider for his local number before he returned home.

After that, we fetched a cab to M Hotel, Blok M, where T was gathering some of his stuff to be taken home with him. (I’d asked the cab driver to wait on us.) We rushed back to the waiting cab outside, and then we urged the cab driver to speed as fast as possible to the airport.

<p style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);”>Anyway, we got there at 8:30, thank God. (T’s flight schedule was 10:45 pm.) After checking in, T took me to Coffee Bean nearby. We sat down with our identical orders: mint tea.

At 9:00, we got up and walked to the queuing line for the boarding. We stopped at the corner and looked at each other. His beautiful hazel eyes were brimming. My dark brown ones felt hot and heavy.

Uh-oh.

When he took me in his big, strong arms, we both simply lost it. We hugged each other tightly and cried.

"I’m sorry," I wailed miserably as I pressed my face against his chest. "I thought I was strong enough for this."

"It’s okay," he said softly. When he released me from his bear hug, we gazed at each other’s tear-stained faces and smiled ruefully. Then his lips quivered a bit and we hugged again.

"Come back soon," I begged him. I felt his fingers gently stroke my long, dark and messy curls.

"Please pray for me that I will."

Then I watched him walk into the passengers’ hall, passing through a metal detector. I called out:

"I love you!"

"I love you too!" he called back as he turned around. We waved at each other before he was finally out of sight, disappearing into a crowd of passengers.

I left.

Reality these days: okay, I’ve got lots of his stuff in my room. Some are for people – and I’m still busy.

First things first. Make time.

R.