SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE…

Believe it or not, I often find myself in the middle. That doesn’t mean I’m indecisive or unable to make up my own mind. Some people even say that I seem to have my own ‘orbit’ – whatever that means.

            This also has nothing to do with the fact that I’m the middle child in the family. I don’t even know if I (still?) suffer the middle-child syndrome or not. Maybe I do, maybe not.

            I get to see more of me that way these days. If we want to start simple, take a look at me: I’m not always a hottie, but definitely not a yuckie. I’m not a genius or a dim-wit. I’m generally a tomboy, but I still know how to be feminine/a girly-girl. When I do that, I only do that because I want to – not because they think I should.

            I know that I’ll always be Indonesian, no matter what, but probably not like what most Indonesian young women are like. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m still single in my early thirties. I enjoy going out alone, although that doesn’t mean I won’t have fun going out with other people too.

            Most of the time, I question…a lot. I don’t just accept everything without logic or reason.

            I get along well with my expat friends at work and outside. (Well, most of them, anyway.) Some of them listen to me, eventhough they might be older than I am. They do take me seriously and respect my opinions, although they don’t always agree.

            However, I know that I’ll never be “one of them”. (Well, it’s not like I ever want to try.) I can hang out with them, come to their apartments invited and eat their foods. I can sit with them, talk and giggle. They can eat their ham or pork, while I just have my chicken and beef. They can drink their tequila and beer, while I just have soda, juice, or water. Coffee or tea would be fine. (‘Long Island Iced Tea’? Err, I think I’ll pass.)

            I may speak English well and know how to fake some of their accents, but I won’t start dyeing my hair blond. That would be stupid and I’d look absolutely freaky. I know who I am. I know what I want with my life.

            Some people mistake me for being either liberal – or a feminist. I believe in God and what my religion teaches me, but I have different interpretations than those extremists you often see in the news. You can’t group me with them, but if you prefer to believe what you like about me – then there’s not much I can do here.

            Oh, well. As if I care.

            R.