CRY HIM A RIVER…

I am thankful for today. In fact, I can still be thankful for a lot of things that you should be proud of me, hehe.

I am thankful for life. I am thankful that God still lets me live, despite the bad things that I’ve done in the past and those I somehow keep on doing. (Yikes!) Once again, I don’t know why I deserve this – but I’m glad that He still wants to give me another chance to live and repent.

I saw him briefly. We still grinned at each other, traded jokes and laughter. We also gave each other some playful shoves, the way boys usually do or the way my brother and I sometimes do at home when we feel like it. (Well, I’m a tomboy.)

I’m going to miss him and having him around, really. I’ve even told him that once. He just grinned. If you’re curious about how he looks like, then picture this:

Picture Desmond Harrington – with Matthew Lillard’s goofy grin. I don’t what you think, but I think that makes him cute. He’s sweet in personality too. Sometimes his eyes remind me of the calming ocean on a bright morning. Beautiful colour.

I know he’s silently worried now. He told me that the love of his life – that sweet girl-next-door type of a person I’d only met once – wasn’t sure about coming along with him back to his hometown. (Then what about your wedding? I silently wondered.)

I had to hold back my tears when he said that. Oh, that poor guy. He’d even failed at concealing his sadness. He loves her so much. Of course…

"You know you deserve to be happy."

He just gave me a weak smile.

Dear God, please help him. I meant what I said to him and I still do…

Then, what about me?

What do you mean, what about me? Of course I’m doing this the same way I’ve done many times before. This isn’t the first time I got myself into this emotional mess.

I’ll try my best – and hardest – not to cry him a river. Even when it’s slowly killing me inside, I won’t. I’ll fake a smile if it can only break his face into that goofy grin again. I don’t even care if my jaw aches from smiling too much.

I won’t cry him a river, even if these tears fill and sting my eyes, threatening to fall. I’ll keep my shades on if that ever happens in front of him, claiming migraine and the light hurts my eyes.

I don’t ever want to cry him a river. Well, even if I do, I make sure that he’s never ever see me doing so…