not sure how to feel – need advise

When my wife and I were dating she told me she was bi curious but she thought nothing would ever come of it .

last year she decided to come out and she said she is bisexual and wanted to meet another woman , she even started talking to 1 on the net – I told her it bothered me alot and she told me she could respect my feelings .

This month is our 8 year wedding anniversary and she recently told me she has feelings for a friend of hers online and she asked me how I feel about it , I told her that It bothered me but I would deal with it because I love her very much and I know how much she needed to explore her bisexual side.

she told me that she loved me and that it is not me that she just has feelings for her friend also and that they are diffrent from the feelings she has for me .

for the last couple of days I have been trying to deal with what she told me and it is hard because I don’t understand how she can say she loves me and have feelings for her girl friend .

It was especially hard today cause I was getting up from recliner and I noticed she was talking to her friend and her friend said I love you and she replyed that she loved her too , this really hurt me emotionally and I don’t know how to feel about this whole thing.

My wife is a great wife and mother to our kids , she is my world and I love having her in my life – she has told me that she is not trying to hurt me and that her bi relationship would not come between our relationship.

I need someone who has been through this to give me some advise on how I should feel because I am really confused about how to feel and any advise would help me to be able to deal with everything.

We have a good marriage and I love her very very much and I don’t want anything to ever happen between us !!

Mr O

luellaa

August 3, 2007

Wow, what a situation to be in. I’m afraid i have never had feelings for other women before so cant really give you advice, but i hope that there is someone who can, and you guys manage to work things out.

I do think though, that your feelings are perfectly acceptable and you are well within your right to feel the way you do. I know its a woman and your a man, but if my bloke told me he had feelings for another man or even a woman, i guess there is no difference, i would feel betrayed and very upset.

Wow. She’s saying she won’t let the bi relationship come between YOU two, but the thing is, it already has. You are feeling awful that she is telling this woman she loves her, and I don’t blame you. You have every right to feel like you are the only one in her world, you are her husband. And you aren’t feeling that. So you have to decide if you want to share her or tell her what you won’t accept.

Also, you said you wanted to let her explore that side of her. So…basically you gave her the okay. And she’s doing that.

Jennifer Nicole

I am a woman. I want you to understand this from a woman’s perspective: Disrespect is disrespect. It doesn’t matter if she’s in love with a man or a woman; what matters is that she is cheating on you – emotionally and possibly sexually – and that every time she asks you how you feel about it, what she is really doing is seeing how much leeway you’re going to give her. I haveno doubts that she’s a good mother, but she is not a good wife and you do not have a good marriage. Perhaps it is to YOU, but you aren’t really holding yourself up to very high standards. If you’re wife is bisexual, wonderful for her…but this is not something she gets to explore now that’s she married and made a commitment to you. If she wants to be with a woman, let her…but don’t be her doormat for her to come back to when she’s done having her fun. It’s not right to you, the commitment the two of you made and it doesn’t set a good example to the kids about how to behave when you make a commitment to someone. I understand how terribly this must hurt, but you need to tell her to choose – and choose wisely. She has no right to do this to you – and you DO NOT have to to

…sorry… …and you DO NOT have to tolerate it. Hold her to the same standards you hold yourself to. There is no permission to date/flirt with other people outside the confides of your marriage. I’m sorry – this is not genuine love. At least, not on her behalf. While you thought you were giving her freedom and unconditional support, you really just encouraged her to see someone else. This is your relationship too – unfortunately, it seems as if you’re going to have to give her an ultimatum or get used to being third to your wife (kids first, girlfriend second, you third). Is that something you can (want to) do? Take care and good luck

MadRose

i know i’m a random person wandering in but i’m going to have to agree with jennifer nicole on this one. you have to be in a lonely place right now. best wishes.