FAIL

I’m having one of those days again, one of those days that even thou I’m working, even thou I’m doing the very best I can……….I still feel so much like a failure, that’s common with me, I never feel like I’m doing enough, and life itself shows me everyday. I got a call from child support the other day, and there tell me in no simple words that………I’m not making enough, really? with all the money they have taken from me in recent months I would think not, but my back pay is what there talking about, I owe $3000 dollars in back pay from the whole year I was unemployed and the way things are going I should have it paid off…………..by next september, so to have this lovely lady call me to tell me something I pretty much knew already, it was a BIG smack to the face. I’m literally living paycheck to paycheck, and those pay checks would be fine if I wasn’t married, paying rent, and not eating, but its not, and now I’m getting a little scared here. I told myself this year would be different from 2013, I PROMISED myself it would, but it seem the universe had other plans cause I swear everything is somewhat the same, only a different year to do it in. Yeah I know there our others out there way worst off then I am, but I’m not thinking about them, hell I’m not even thinking about me at this point, my wife just started school, her hours at her job are worst then mine, and help in these parts have not turned up anything……….so you see, FAILING is the worst word in the world, when you fine yourself at that point it bring your whole life in to retrospect, WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE? WHERE IS MY LFE HEADING?,WILL I EVER GET AHEAD?, there no clear answer cause I would have know long time ago. Ranting about it hasn’t helped either, some have told me I need to talk to a shrink, some say I’m clinically depressed, but does it really matter? because it will not help what going on with me if I am, and even if I’m not, that still means I’m not doing something right………I’m paranoid folks, I cant have another year like last year, and it seems to be heading that direction, its like TITANIC with that iceberg……YOU SEE IT COMING, YOUR HEADING RIGHT FOR IT, AND YOU DIDNT TURN SOON ENOUGH………now I’m sunk…….I cant do this anymore……………..SO SAY WE ALL.