My relapse 14/10/22

Relapse 14/10/22

I had a shot (injected) ice today. I never really was into shooting ice up I usually smoke it but don’t have a pipe at home but had syringes from my herion relapse the day before yesterday. I hate ice it makes me so so anxious and with my chronic anxiety disorder it gets so bad it never use to do this but after 2 years clean its pretty much the only thing other than keep me awake. I hate feeling like this so I don’t know why I used. Probably because the guy for h wasn’t replying and I already had ice on hand. I fucking hate myself so so much for using I always do and its a fucked circle because I use because I feel depressed. I have PDD, BPD and chronic anxiety. My girlfriend left me 2 weeks ago we still talk every day and I have seen her twice and stayed at her house once since we split up. She’d never talk to me again if she found out I was using again. I’ve just been so sad since and I hate being home alone 24/7 so I decided to use didn’t help and I hate myself and everything but I know this won’t be the last time. She wants to work in a rehab and is almost finished her certificates for it im so proud but I don’t know how she ended up with a junkie.