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7:37am

I almost forgot I have to job search today. I can’t stop thinking about those soft core color pencil. there almost seducing me. I remember making the coolest things with the prism colored pencils I borrowed in treatment. I made pretty realistic orange slice, broccoli, a woman chopped in half… I lost those drawings while moving so much. I feel like getting these pencils will inspire me to create so much and then i’ll be closer to my tattoo apprenticeship. honestly id like to just skip to that part. I had an apprenticeship once when I was 18 but I was getting touched by my boss so I quit 🙁 

I just finished smoking and my body feels 0 pain right now. I don’t even feel that tired heavy pain I get every morning, I love weed. I don’t care what people in recovery say, I dont care what pastors and priests say, I don’t care what my teachers told me, weed is a blessing from god. The amount of fights its helped me avoid, the amazing sex, the feeling of security after a long day.. It’s good enough for me. I don’t even need alcohol just.. this. what I have. Something that allows me to still be a productive mother and help me feel good about myself. 

Excuse my love rant or whatever you call that. Clarence is watching the backyardagans and I gotta admit the music is pretty good. I’ll catch myself dancing to it while i’m doing my thing. Ok, its time to start searching for a jobbbbuh.