This is important somehow.
Haven’t talked to him in years. It all seems rather odd, I don’t expect anyone to wade through it, but this means something.
[02:09] SpookVanAapman: Not in some politcal or grand event…but I mean, of all the people I’ve talked to…no one came out of a setting like we did.
[02:09] Matt Jeselnik: describe said setting
[02:11] SpookVanAapman: Religiously repressive, with a teacher/student structure like we had, where one teacher taught the same group several times over the course of four years.
[02:11] Matt Jeselnik: which?
[02:12] SpookVanAapman: Which despite being one of the lowest states in terms of education and funding somehow churned out in a single year so focused on acedemics.
[02:13] SpookVanAapman: Wait.
[02:13] SpookVanAapman: That made no sense.
[02:13] SpookVanAapman: Churned out so many people that graduated with honors/highest honors.
[02:14] SpookVanAapman: That school wasn’t addequate for the minds that were in it, minds like yours, Aarron’s, Albert’s Mark’s.
[02:16] SpookVanAapman: A school which had almost no clicks. They were VERY broad and encompassing.
[02:16] Matt Jeselnik: but wait, where is your evidence thta this happend ONLY this year and ONLY at this school?
[02:17] SpookVanAapman: Well, I have no evidence, but of all the people I’ve talked to in my years of wandering up the easter seaboard…
[02:17] SpookVanAapman: None of them had anything remotely similar.
[02:19] Matt Jeselnik: what is the relevance of my mind racing to the ends of the earth to wonder what specific individuals who, it could be said, had a high effect on my later adolescent development, — to wonder what they are doing ta this exact moment – wonder the potential randomness of it all – and the brilliant elaborate patterns that come out of it – and then wonder if its just what wondering feelslike
[02:20] SpookVanAapman: It coould be relevent. If we were to get together.
[02:20] SpookVanAapman: Back together I mean.
[02:20] *** You have been disconnected. Sun May 24 02:20:49 2009.
[02:22] *** "Matt Jeselnik" signed on at Sun May 24 02:22:35 2009.
[02:22] Matt Jeselnik: (you get that last part?)
[02:23] SpookVanAapman: No.
[02:23] Matt Jeselnik: what is the relevance of my mind racing to the ends of the earth to wonder what specific individuals who, it could be said, had a high effect on my later adolescent development, — to wonder what they are doing ta this exact moment – wonder the potential randomness of it all – and the brilliant elaborate patterns that come out of it – and then wonder if its just what wondering feelslike
[02:24] SpookVanAapman: Well, I think that perhaps if we all got back together to melt our knowledge together something would come of it.
[02:26] Matt Jeselnik: my first thoughts revolve around – constucting an elaborate ‘game’ in which we give them (the people on our to be constructed List) good reason to join in on some great john-galt-like effort – before the world ends – orAFTER it already has
[02:27] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[02:29] Matt Jeselnik: do play games any?
[02:29] SpookVanAapman: A few.
[02:30] Matt Jeselnik: like?
[02:31] SpookVanAapman: Haven’t played a game in a while…sat down and played cards some time ago, play on the old SNES and NES and N64 and whatnot.
[02:33] SpookVanAapman: Or did you mean something else entirely?
[02:35] Matt Jeselnik: it was broad so i expected broad results
[02:36] Matt Jeselnik: i miss oldschool nintendo
[02:36] SpookVanAapman: Yeah, I collect them now.
[02:36] Matt Jeselnik: where are u at specifically in PA?
[02:36] SpookVanAapman: A small place called Kingston.
[02:36] SpookVanAapman: Nestled just on the outside of Wilkes-barre. A slightly larger small place.
[02:37] Matt Jeselnik: have a car?
[02:39] SpookVanAapman: Yeah.
[02:39] SpookVanAapman: I assume you don’t.
[02:39] SpookVanAapman: No one needs cars in New York I think.
[02:39] Matt Jeselnik: just got rid of it in dec
[02:40] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[02:41] Matt Jeselnik: that’s a nice 3hr drive to me
[02:41] SpookVanAapman: I’ve done worse.
[02:42] SpookVanAapman: The traffic is enough to make me shit a brick though.
[02:42] Matt Jeselnik: i’ve been over to the poconos for a bit, and wherever that amusement park is
[02:42] SpookVanAapman: Hershey?
[02:42] Matt Jeselnik: umm…perhaps – there’s a water park attached to it too – somedecent coasters
[02:43] SpookVanAapman: Sounds Hershey-esque.
[02:43] Matt Jeselnik: likely
[02:43] SpookVanAapman: Never been.
[02:44] Matt Jeselnik: what’s ur emaiL?
[02:45] SpookVanAapman: I never check it, but theghostofapinamies@softhome.net
[02:46] Matt Jeselnik: so in 10 years when u find the time capsule of an email i’m about to send u, enjoy
[02:46] Matt Jeselnik: not so serious )
[02:46] SpookVanAapman: Haha.
[02:47] Matt Jeselnik: help me make that list – and i’ll track them all down for ya
[02:47] SpookVanAapman: I mean no harshness or negativity, but, why were some people in our HS ghosts?
[02:47] Matt Jeselnik: how do u mean ghosts?
[02:48] SpookVanAapman: Mickle Woodnick.
[02:48] SpookVanAapman: Michael rather.
[02:48] Matt Jeselnik: someone can be relatively invisible but can still have a great effect on the overall nature of things
[02:48] SpookVanAapman: And a few others, they just…were generally pushed aside and ignored.
[02:51] Matt Jeselnik: tell me more
[02:51] Matt Jeselnik: i never got much of your perspective back the
[02:51] Matt Jeselnik: n
[02:51] SpookVanAapman: Well, that’s what I’m talking about.
[02:51] SpookVanAapman: Why is it that you didn’t?
[02:53] Matt Jeselnik: you’re bitter
[02:53] Matt Jeselnik: i am too, about parts of it
[02:53] SpookVanAapman: No…not really…
[02:53] Matt Jeselnik: i had it easy
[02:53] SpookVanAapman: I mean, I feel as though I should be bitter…
[02:53] Matt Jeselnik: on some level, not on others
[02:53] Matt Jeselnik: (but hey, i’m not saying you shouldn’t be)
[02:53] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[02:56] SpookVanAapman: It’s like working a puzzle from the middle. A grand mess, nothing seems to fit even though it looks like it should, and you can’t just get it. That’s what I’ve been doing. Trying to do rather. Not being bitter, I know what people thought of me (in particular), but why?
[02:57] Matt Jeselnik: why did they think of you (or not) OR why is the puzzle not fitting together?
[02:58] SpookVanAapman: Why were people like me and Woodnick so unthinkable?
[02:58] Matt Jeselnik: how do u mean unthinkable?
[02:59] SpookVanAapman: Hmmm…that is, did you know anything about him?
[02:59] SpookVanAapman: His parents?
[02:59] Matt Jeselnik: yes. actually.
[02:59] SpookVanAapman: Well, you were one of the few who cared.
[02:59] Matt Jeselnik: he lived with his mom in crestview and he wanted nothing more than to be a head fire chief (or a more accurate title) and i think he moved to LA
[03:00] Matt J
eselnik: he was also kinda into me. alot.
[03:00] SpookVanAapman: Yeah, I picked up on that.
[03:00] SpookVanAapman: About the time he stopped talking to me in Highschool that is.
[03:01] Matt Jeselnik: i want to ask again to elaborate on your Puzzle metaphor that you can’t put together WITH certain ‘unthinkable’ yettotally relevant individuals in our group
[03:03] SpookVanAapman: Well, I don’t know, it’s not that’s it’s not fitting, it’s that right now seeing as how I am the only one in this organic puzzle it’s too vauge too see.
[03:03] SpookVanAapman: I think as more people connect things will happen.
[03:04] Matt Jeselnik: but is there a tangible problem or challenge that you’re trying to work out? or just a better understanding?
[03:04] SpookVanAapman: Better understanding I think is the more appropriate term.
[03:04] Matt Jeselnik: ok. check.
[03:04] Matt Jeselnik: so 1. there was an auspicious group of us in this one class of graduates from walton high in dfs, fl
[03:05] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[03:06] SpookVanAapman: 2, by and large we scattered.
[03:07] Matt Jeselnik: 2. some of these individuals were relatively invisible in their
[03:07] Matt Jeselnik: place
[03:07] SpookVanAapman: Okay.
[03:08] Matt Jeselnik: what else?
[03:08] SpookVanAapman: We all seem to have scattered, maybe not far, but far enough.
[03:08] SpookVanAapman: Which is normal.
[03:09] SpookVanAapman: But, so far, most of the people I’ve talked to have done nothing with their minds that should have been done.
[03:10] Matt Jeselnik: ahah
[03:10] Matt Jeselnik: 3. we scattered
[03:10] Matt Jeselnik: 4. unfulfilled potentals
[03:10] Matt Jeselnik: (*loser spelling)
[03:10] Matt Jeselnik: (irony)
[03:11] SpookVanAapman: Bah, it gets the point across.
[03:11] SpookVanAapman: Our generation has been termed the boomerang generation for going out into the world and coming home and doing it again several times over.
[03:12] SpookVanAapman: But it seems as though most of us didn’t.
[03:12] Matt Jeselnik: elaborate i haven’t heard that
[03:12] Matt Jeselnik: oh i See!
[03:12] SpookVanAapman: I’ve heard it a few times.
[03:12] Matt Jeselnik: but all the others never even left did they?
[03:12] SpookVanAapman: Some did I think.
[03:13] SpookVanAapman: I don’t know, I was never very connected to the school.
[03:16] Matt Jeselnik: so what are we ant-boomerangers to do?
[03:17] Matt Jeselnik: we’ve wandered out, knowing we had potential, determined to, if nothing else, never go back
[03:17] SpookVanAapman: Right.
[03:18] SpookVanAapman: What was it, why didn’t we accept our destinies?
[03:18] SpookVanAapman: Or have we?
[03:18] Matt Jeselnik: yes.
[03:18] Matt Jeselnik: or yet to make them.
[03:18] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[03:20] SpookVanAapman: It’s just this feeling I get sometimes, I have these dreams…
[03:20] Matt Jeselnik: (random idea;: i send out a communication to each and every member of our class > I will give, in cash, $200 to each and every one of you that within the course of the year 2012 writes me twenty pages (single spaced) of their four year experience of high school .
[03:20] Matt Jeselnik: what say you to taht?
[03:21] Matt Jeselnik: delusional, i know – (wait, describe the dreams?)
[03:22] SpookVanAapman: Wow, that would be almost 43,000f everyone replied.
[03:22] Matt Jeselnik: i would read every word intently
[03:23] Matt Jeselnik: rewrite it and then either film it or publish it
[03:23] SpookVanAapman: That’s what it is.
[03:23] SpookVanAapman: Back to the dream.
[03:26] SpookVanAapman: We’re all in class, the teacher changes all the time and isn’t important, but we’re playing Jeopardy, and the final question was something to do with a prefix and a noun, but the words are read and it’s a trick.
[03:26] SpookVanAapman: Because the way they are pronounced and they are spelled are two different ways…and we all get dupped into it.
[03:28] Matt Jeselnik: that’s it? repeating? did something like it really happen?
[03:29] SpookVanAapman: That’s it, well, there are others, but yes, it repeats and no.
[03:30] SpookVanAapman: Nothing like that happened in any classes, at least, I don’t remember it.
[03:32] SpookVanAapman: No, wait, there is more…so, we are all dupped and the next class comes in, and we try and warn them.
[03:32] SpookVanAapman: How could I leave that part out.
[03:33] Matt Jeselnik: warn them?
[03:33] SpookVanAapman: About the trick question.
[03:36] Matt Jeselnik: but that’s it? – is there a lot of psychological weight behind the warning, like it’s a much bigger thing than just a silly trivia question? what’s at stake?>
[03:37] SpookVanAapman: I don’t know, there are numbers, but no thing.
[03:37] SpookVanAapman: I don’t know what the wager is/was.
[03:38] SpookVanAapman: I’ve meditated on that thought many nights.
[03:39] Matt Jeselnik: that’s the main dream though?
[03:39] SpookVanAapman: Yeah.
[03:39] SpookVanAapman: It’s as though I beleive we are somehow the answer to some great question no one has yet had the courage to ask.
[03:40] Matt Jeselnik: all my dreams that are good and not anxious nightmares about daily stresses….
[03:40] SpookVanAapman: Mm.
[03:40] Matt Jeselnik: they all involve groups/teams of people – banding together for some common though not worldy case
[03:40] Matt Jeselnik: some goonies-like misadventre
[03:40] SpookVanAapman: Yes…how…odd…
[03:41] SpookVanAapman: Sometimes my thoughts come back to you, or to those who went to school with us, out of knowhere they appear in my dreams, always we’re building something or working together for something but it’s a "local" thing.
[03:43] Matt Jeselnik: there, at home u mean?
[03:44] SpookVanAapman: Well, no, not at home, but, there’s never a sense of global need.
[03:44] Matt Jeselnik: at yeah, that’s what i was striving for in saying ‘not worldy’
[03:44] SpookVanAapman: I understood.
[03:45] SpookVanAapman: It’s always just a group banding together, with some leader who doesn’t command them…but rather..listens to their commands and makes them one unifed action.
[03:46] SpookVanAapman: There’s no sense of alpha male psychology or agression in debate of action, at least, not in my dreams.
[03:46] Matt Jeselnik: wow. um yeha.
[03:46] SpookVanAapman: Hm?
[03:48] Matt Jeselnik: all too familiar.
[03:48] SpookVanAapman: …
[03:49] SpookVanAapman: I see.
[03:51] SpookVanAapman: One dream I remember, we walk into class, and the room is empty and there’s a piece of paper attached to the high ceiling as well as one on the ground. We read the note on the ground and it says that the answers to the final are on the ceiling and we have to build a device to get them.
[03:51] SpookVanAapman: But the triva one repeats, the rest don’t.
[03:53] Matt Jeselnik: (what class? cus when i’m readingthis, i’m thinking , without trying, Goyer for some reason)
[03:54] SpookVanAapman: I think itwas, or Mr. Bosenburg.
[03:54] Matt Jeselnik: all this calls to mind – mrs goyer’s test, mr. bosenburgs rediculous model buildings (spaghetti bridges, fruit cars, etc)
[03:55] SpookVanAapman: Goyer’s test? Which test?
[03:56] Matt Jeselnik: *shrug * there were several quirky things like that – i also remember, one time, bored myself and two others drew silhouettes of our profiles on the marker board with the overhead projector and then posited the trivia "who are these people?" – and people from a whole ‘nother class were able to answer it
[03:56] Matt Jeselnik: identify us
[03:56] Matt Jeselnik: it’s like that old-school gameshow , what was it, where people from your past life show up and surprise you and you’re on the spot guessing who they are i think
[03:57] SpookVanAapman: Yes. I see…
[03:57] SpookVanAapman: Certainly does have tones of that.
[04:00] SpookVanAapman: Were we bored often in that school?
[04:01] Matt Jeselnik: we were very bored often
[04:01] Matt Jeselnik: those were my best moments
[04:01] Matt Jeselnik: i mean…
[04:01] SpookVanAapman: They were.
[04:02] Matt Jeselnik: a vent for the repression. connectedness.
[04:02] Matt Jeselnik: stuff we each wanted so rediculously dearly, but stuff we knew didn’t fit in with the standard ‘rules of being’
[04:02] SpookVanAapman: Yes.
[04:03] SpookVanAapman: We were at our best during the lulls of the classes.
[04:03] Matt Jeselnik: ‘left to our own devices’
[04:03] SpookVanAapman: Yes.
[04:03] Matt Jeselnik: you know they’ve built an entirely new school building?
[04:03] SpookVanAapman: I’ve heard.
[04:04] Matt Jeselnik: full size two story – where the tennis courts were – and the old school is going to not even be used!
[04:04] Matt Jeselnik: i want to go back and remember it before the smells change
[04:04] SpookVanAapman: Yes, the smells.
[04:05] SpookVanAapman: I remember those.
[04:06] SpookVanAapman: I do hope you are taking me serious on all of this and not just humoring me as some nutjob half-assed thing.
[04:06] Matt Jeselnik: i’m standing here, 132 miles from you, reminescing about a world undiscovered 1223 miles away – wondering what is then that stays now that we had and still have or took for granted…
[04:07] Matt Jeselnik: (( funny thing is – i was totally prepared for "wow. dude, ur nuts, i really am high and was just leadin you on on this whole train to see how far’d u go, wacko" – for u to say that to me) )) lol
[04:07] Matt Jeselnik: i’m with you.
[04:07] SpookVanAapman: Then there’s only one thing.
[04:07] SpookVanAapman: The others.
[04:07] Matt Jeselnik: precisely.
[04:08] Matt Jeselnik: we need it. them. something. and surely there’s something that they’re needing.
[04:08] SpookVanAapman: And they can’t explain it…maybe they don’t see it or they’re ignoring it, etc.
[04:10] Matt Jeselnik: there’s a box buried in the ground that could tell us what they need(ed).
[04:11] SpookVanAapman: That’s the time capsule and that’s not what I’m thinking.
[04:11] Matt Jeselnik: what are you thinking?
[04:11] SpookVanAapman: I don’t know…but…they know.
[04:14] Matt Jeselnik: so what do we do
[04:14] SpookVanAapman: We have to try and find everyone else.
[04:15] Matt Jeselnik: what happens when there’s question of who’s on it and who’s not?
[04:15] SpookVanAapman: Statistically 80% of our class was "In."
[04:15] Matt Jeselnik: really
[04:15] SpookVanAapman: Well, I’m exagerating.
[04:16] SpookVanAapman: We’ll figure that out as we go.
[04:19] Matt Jeselnik: (check ur email this once)
[04:21] SpookVanAapman: I see, that’s neat.
[04:23] Matt Jeselnik: contribute. now what?
[04:23] SpookVanAapman: I’ll see what I can do with the contributions.
[04:25] SpookVanAapman: Getting in touch with them, seeing if they feel the same way.
[04:25] Matt Jeselnik: what do u do for work now?
[04:26] SpookVanAapman: Right now? I work at a conveince store.
[04:26] Matt Jeselnik: fun. clerks.
[04:27] SpookVanAapman: Yeah, I’ve had many a "I’m not supposed to be here" days.
[04:29] Matt Jeselnik: likewise. thought not nearly as effective as on your end i can imagine
[04:29] SpookVanAapman: Indeed. Haha.
[04:29] Matt Jeselnik: did we need better teachers?
[04:30] SpookVanAapman: I think we needed options, we chewed through that school and sucked all the knowledge out of every teacher in that school.
[04:34] SpookVanAapman: The fact that we had the same teacher for several classes…we all kind of in a way set the standards and the rules for that school, or at least, that’s what it feels like we did.
[04:36] Matt Jeselnik: hm
[04:36] Matt Jeselnik: take my info: just for the hell of it > **************************************************** in case you’re ever in ny
[04:37] SpookVanAapman: Just in case.
[04:37] Matt Jeselnik: or, better yet, come to ny – for a day or two, crash and i’ll teach you how to play backgammon if you don’t already know…would be good to have a decent opponent
[04:37] SpookVanAapman: I’ll see what I can do.
[04:38] Matt Jeselnik: i remember a specific moment > out behind the football field on one of our last days – where some genius years before (mr. b) had the idea of buying a huge sheet of plastic for everyone to slide around on – and you sat on the first step of that wooden tower, never used before that point
[04:39] SpookVanAapman: I remember that moment as well.
[04:39] Matt Jeselnik: i don’t remember what was said exactly , but i knew then it would connect to now
[04:39] SpookVanAapman: I remember what was said.
[04:40] SpookVanAapman: First you said: "It’s hard to keep my shirt on with all these good looking guys running around wet."
[04:41] Matt Jeselnik: (fucking a’ – i was all kinds of out then, i forgot)
[04:41] SpookVanAapman: Then I said: "Hrmpf, never had the problem, but I can sympathize."
[04:42] SpookVanAapman: And then you looked me square in the eye and said: "I never got you, no one did." "You know what will suprise them? If you squirt them." And you handed me a water gun.
[04:42] Matt Jeselnik: wow. you’re incredible for remembering that.
[04:42] SpookVanAapman: Remember, I’m also the whacko that was trying to memorize pi.
[04:43] Matt Jeselnik: indeed.
[04:43] SpookVanAapman: But yes, I remember that moment on the field.
[04:43] Matt Jeselnik: i wonder what sort of 200 pages you could come up with
[04:43] SpookVanAapman: I remember a lot of the details.
[04:43] Matt Jeselnik: many of the less fortunate ones i’m sure
[04:44] SpookVanAapman: Unfortunately, yes, but not all.
[04:44] SpookVanAapman: I somehow can remember certain events from certain clases word for word.
[04:45] SpookVanAapman: Like Biology.
[04:45] SpookVanAapman: And Chemistry.
[04:45] SpookVanAapman: The thing that strikes me most about this whole situation is the irony of it.
[04:46] Matt Jeselnik: howso?
[04:47] SpookVanAapman: Well, for the four years I was in that box of a school, I didn’t feel as though anyone understood me well enough to enjoy my company so I shunned them, and now…here I am.
[04:51] SpookVanAapman: Feeling oddly connected to them and in need of them with some innate understanding.
[04:52] Matt Jeselnik: hmm….yup. feel similar.
[04:52] Matt Jeselnik: i was afraid
[04:52] SpookVanAapman: Afraid?
[04:52] Matt Jeselnik: ceaselessly afraid
[04:53] SpookVanAapman: Of?
[04:54] Matt Jeselnik: *shrug * approval? affection? – i dunno – endlessly unresolved faggoty child complexes evolving into sociological structures of approval seeking within specified lust-based niches of a super-tribal community.
[04:54] Matt Jeselnik: lol – that felt silly/good to say
[04:54] SpookVanAapman: Haha, good then.
[04:54] Matt Jeselnik: in other words. i didn’t know how to deal with being gay – and therefore didn’t think anyone else would to – irrationally of course
[04:55] Matt Jeselnik: *too
[04:55] SpookVanAapman: *nod*
[04:55] Matt Jeselnik: alot held us back
[04:55] SpookVanAapman: Such as?
[04:56] Matt Jeselnik: i dunno. that for me. feeling pent in- not understood, i mean a whole lot changed senior year when people started getting curious who the hell i was
[04:56] SpookVanAapman: Yeah, I missed that.
[04:57] SpookVanAapman: I missed the whole senior year…
[04:58] SpookVanAapman: That last year was an important one for everyone.
[04:59] Matt Jeselnik: you’re going to lose all this, whether you loved it/needed it or not, and then you’re going to be thrown into much larger entirely different boxes on your own with the semi-illusion that you’re in control of your own fate
[04:59] SpookVanAapman: How do you mean?
[05:00] Matt Jeselnik: i dunno – that’s just the message that maybe i feel should have been shared with us before we left
[05:01] Matt Jeselnik: or maybe it was
[05:01] SpookVanAapman: I didn’t get that memo.
[05:01] SpookVanAapman: But somehow…I’m not be arrogant or pompus, but I think that maybe some of us weren’t meant for the boxes.
[05:09] SpookVanAapman: Lost you on that one, huh?
[05:13] Matt Jeselnik: u didn’t – i needed to sit after 8 hours of standing
[05:13] SpookVanAapman: I know the feeling.
[05:14] Matt Jeselnik: i doubt you feel it in a suit
[05:14] SpookVanAapman: Point taken.
[05:16] Matt Jeselnik: what are you doing in PA then ?
[05:16] SpookVanAapman: Hm?
[05:16] SpookVanAapman: How did I wind up in PA of all places?
[05:17] Matt Jeselnik: like i’m sure the convenience market isnt like most inclined to you moving up in the field, so what else are u up to that brought u there? – yes.
[05:17] SpookVanAapman: It just where my travels seem to have ended.
[05:18] SpookVanAapman: I lucked out, got in touch with some distant family in the area, bunked up for a bit and then struck off again, but never leaving PA.
[05:21] Matt Jeselnik: gotcha
–RK