Facebook

All of what I did on the old open diary was mostly trash, so I’m happy not to recover it.  It was neat to just glimpse into other peoples lives.  The Editors choice insured reading interesting entries.  I was in awe and I taught me that I didn’t have the imagination to write.  I don’t think Opendiary will be what it was and I don’t want it to be. It was my first step out into something new.

MySpace was cool because you could jack up your profile with all blinking html fuckery and annoying songs.  I immediately had my first online friend with Tom.  Most of the people I saw on a day to day basis found me there and it was ok.  Lacking Facebook, it would probably still be the social media go to.  For whatever reason Facebook came a long.  When I first laid eyes on it I thought it was boring and immediately forgot about it.  My brother called me up to tell me a long ago friend of mine from high school was trying to get in touch with me and asked him if I was going to sign up.  I was on board.  BTW, the Diarymaster responded to my first entry and even threw me a bone by accepting my friend request.  Mark Zuckerberg wanted nothing to do with me, so eff him.  I digress.  I didn’t so much as join Facebook as much as I was lured into it.

After I located my friend, a brief reply was all I got in response to my long introductory message asking to a catch up after 20 plus years.  I stayed though because everyone I had peripheral relationships in high school found me too.  I came to find out I had as much in common with them as adults as I did when we were in high school.  All my old Army buddies found me too and I was excited until I found out all of them veered from being apolitical to becoming very, very right wing.  All of them. Even the friend who became my best friend and introduced me to bands like the Cocteau Twins & Minsistry, had his hair in dreads and used to wear knee high doc martens before he joined.  It’s funny because I was the only one I knew with conservative political and religious views back then.  I am very much not that way now.

Then someone messaged me. It was a girl I first saw at my friends house.  At the time she was reeling from a breakup, but I thought she was really pretty.  She barely noticed me.  I saw her again at a goth club (no, not golf) and she seemed super happy to introduce herself.  I thought she wouldn’t really want to have anything to do with me so it quickly left my mind.  Nine months after that night she finally got the nerve up to contact me.  Of course my internet journey led me through all kinds of failed relationships through online dating and I had just about given up, but I had room for one more failure before calling it quits.  She was young, beautiful and sure to dump me when I disclosed all the baggage I was bringing with me on the first date.  It didn’t work.  My history with women had taught me that most of them are fickle and demanding.  She showed me the opposite.  To this day, I still don’t know why she loves me.  It’s not a super long time, but we’ve been together for six years, three of them married, and we’re still best friends.  Facebook led me to the love of my life.  So there’s that.

I hyperventilated when I was locked out my account after a hacking attempt and couldn’t log back in.  That’s how dependent I am on FB.  I immediately realized how wrong that is, but the heart wants what it wants.  It’s the only way I can stay connected with friends & family across the country and globe.  So Facebook has it’s uses, but Opendiary lets me be me.  I have to wear a mask though. If I could title this diary it would be “Things I can’t tell my friends”.

Perhaps the ubiquitous internet has encroached to a point where we are all in a matrix like scenario without knowing it.  I may be the replasticactionhero, but I’ll take the blue pill any day.