relationships and feelings are hard

I don’t wanna be toxic or a weird controlling girlfriend, but I can’t help but feel upset/sad/jealous whenever my gf spends more time with her friends than with me, I don’t like that she goes to their house every weekend and stays there until morning, or that she goes out drinking and doesn’t even let me know if she got home safe, I know we have different lifestyles, and I’m trying to accept that, I would never actually tell her how I feel about all this because I don’t want her to change her life and the way she does things for me. it’s just really hard to see a future like this, I wonder if she would keep doing the same things when we live together, it’s just a bit hard for me to deal with as I’m very antisocial, has no friends, and doesn’t go out much or at all. maybe part of me is jealous of that freedom that I can never accomplish, whatever it is I hate the way it makes me feel. A part of me knows it also comes from a place of being worried for her, I’ve had past bad things happen to me and I would never want something like that to happen to her, I can’t help but feel restless if it’s past 1 AM and she’s not home and safe, especially if she’s drinking with people I don’t know, I’ve never been possessive or jealous before, but this is the first time I’m experiencing these feelings with such intensity in a relationship and I don’t know how to deal with them in a healthy way.

anyway this is really just a rant, i just need to put these feelings out of my body so i can try to process it in a better way.