what i did to niceguy

you were definitely the niceguy. you have no idea the extent to which you were used. and i’m sure you still came out of it jaded. hopefully you never read this because i shouldn’t so selfishly put you through any more. here’s what i never told you.

we’ll start with may 2006.
i lied to niceguy and told him i couldn’t get over the distance issue. he was moving back home and i needed to be single. this was one of the first loads of crap i shoveled your way. really, you leaving was the best thing that could have happened to wonderboy. it gave him a chance to get back together with me. and you not being there made it a lot easier for me to focus.

summer 2006.
wonderboy basically moved in with me and we thought we were on our way to finally making things right. i still talked to you on the phone. but you never knew i had stepped outside my apt to do it and wonderboy was waiting inside. you were nice enough to invite me to a party you were going to in town. you took me, and while we were there, you did everything you could to remind me of us. that kiss still holds the record. you practically begged to come inside with me when you dropped me off at the end of the night. being the nice guy you are, you had no idea the reason i said no was because wonderboy was waiting inside. it was the only thing that stopped me.

july 2006.
all you knew was that i suddenly changed my mind about the distance issue and that i wanted to be with you again.
what you didn’t know is that wonderboy had left me in ruins. we had been trying to make it work when, in return for letting me go out with you, i let wonderboy hang out with bigface. he didn’t come home that night. the next day he told me he wanted to date her. i dropped everything and came running to you, niceguy. you didn’t think twice, you were just happy to have me.

fall 2006.
all you knew is that we were dating and you were happy. sure it was a little strange that i made you stay on the phone with you until i fell asleep every night. but you thought you had me and that was all that mattered.
what you didn’t know is that i was going through an emotional break down. i lost weight, failed all of my classes, and spent many a night crying on my bathroom floor. i made you ‘talk me to sleep’ because i couldn’t be alone. i lived for the weekends when i saw you. but i still flaunted and threw myself at wonderboy every chance i got. he was stronger than me though, and resisted. wonderboy was finally getting back at me for what i did to him when i started cheating on him with you. that made me fall apart even more. you were the only thing that kept me from completely losing it.

spring 2007.
although niceguy and i were dating, i had made wonderboy break up with bigface and you two had basically switched places. the boyfriend was the affair now. and the new boyfriend was clueless. all the fighting with wonderboy and hiding things from niceguy was starting to get to me though. you finally started to notice in april. i was so tired by this point.

may 2007.
wonderboy was finally starting to act like a man and stand up for himself. it wasn’t your fault. you were still the same sweet and playful guy you always were. but it was never enough to be my other half. and i was starting to see that now. on may 5th, i broke it off with you. i felt like the worst person in the world. felt more nautious and cried more than i ever did when i had done something heartless to wonderboy. you were sad, but we tried to be friends. afterall, you’re niceguy.

june 2007.
in true character, i ran back to wonderboy. also in true character, i naively thought we could make it work. instead, deep breath, i didn’t know it at the time, but he got me pregnant. and i hope no one else reads this because the only 2 people in my world who know are wonderboy and mylove. so now hopefully only 3. with impecable timing, mylove called. i was so happy to hear from one of your friends after i broke up with you. i’m sure you know you have awesome friends. it speaks very highly to your character. mylove’s girlfriend had dumped him and he needed a shoulder. i gave him one and something more.

july 2007.
figured out i was pregnant and stopped all communication with everybody but wonderboy. you were hurt that i went off the grid. so was mylove. but i had no plans on telling anyone. wonderboy and i (mostly me) took care of it. you were patient and kept your distance. mylove didn’t and pressed me to tell him why i went off the grid. i broke down and told him. instead of you, niceguy, this time it was mylove who knew all the right things to tell me. by august, your friend and old college roommate was my friend with benefits. he was still dating around and i was still stubbornly trying to make it work with wonderboy. i didn’t plan on mylove and i becoming anything more. it was just supposed to be stupid and fun. and after everything i had gone through with you, i had become addicted to the secrets and the double life. but he was short. it would never go anywhere…

august 2007.
wonderboy and i had made some public appearances together. i’m sure the sightings had gotten back to you. and i’m sure you were trying to get used to the idea that we were getting back together. it was easiest to let you think that. hell, it was easiest for me to think that.

halloween 2007.
you had no clue. i told wonderboy we should take a break. mylove and i started secretly dating.

december 2007.
i met mylove’s parents and i started staying at his place more than my own. we figured it was time to tell you. he called you. you didn’t handle it so well. you tried to call me but my phone was broken. i always meant to call you back but never did. most of the time, i wish i would have…