one two step

it seems this diary has become my place of sadness. and don’t get me wrong, i am struggling through the angst of my early twenties, but i am also an incredibly happy and optimistic person. always have been.

i think part of my holding back comes from the mistake of making my diary too public. too many people that i actually know, interact with, and care about their feelings know about and follow my diary. so when i find myself down a life path that hurts others, i hesitate from sharing the ups, only coming here to get out the downs.

i know the big things in life take a long time to get over. it takes a long time to learn how to live life a different way. and i would hate to be a stumbling block to that process. mostly i just want people to be happy. it’s that simple. not so that i don’t feel guilty. not to justify what i did. but just because life is too short and i want the best for everyone in my life that i care about.

in the mean time it’s hard to share everything here.

in the words on stephen colbert – moving on.

i am such a little force in the world i want so desperately to change. i’m full on into my idealistic age.

i want to be a teacher. a noble cause. but every real-life teacher i’ve encountered since i started this course of study basically falls short. maybe i was lucky and had great teachers or maybe i was just ignorant in high school, but teachers these days suck. in my college classes i learn what a teacher should be, then i go out in the field and see how far away we actually are from what i’m learning about. i can do better than this.

another area of idealistic angst i’m struggling with (prepare for the next thought to come completely out of left field) is the 2008 summer olympics in beijing. i live in georgia. the fact that i did not vote for bush makes me a crazy left-wing liberal fem nazi. despite this massive stereotype, i have been playing with the idea of seriously spreading the word to boycott the olympics this year. i took a human rights class once. i’m a fan of amnesty international. therefore i am an authority on this issue.

but i’m not a fan of doing something out of spite. also, boycotts of olympics have in no way been effective in the past. and i feel alittle guilt about the idea of asking someone who has devoted their entire life to becoming the example of perfection at just one skill to forfeit the event that is the culminating justification for aforementioned devotion.

but yeah, i have not yet come to a conclusion about this idea. i do know that taking what the olympics stand for and then allowing china to host them just seems oxymoronic.

wow. my syntax tonight is just way out there.

look for more stereotypical fun about being a college coed (for the fifth year running) in the future. right now i’m just trying to avoid any toe-stepping.