wanted:sanity

It is hard to believe that your whole life can change so drastically in what seems to be the blink of an eye. Having three teenage boys in the house, and the same bedroom, brings a few challenges. To be perfectly honest, it makes you think about drinking some of those caustic cleaners normally used for clearing clogged drains. I remind myself on a regular basis that these alien creatures are the same sweet wonderful babies that I held in my arms and that gave me sticky sweet kisses and enthusiastic hugs such a short time ago. I have been reassured that they will regain their "minds" in the near future. I am not holding my breath.
The two youngest aliens are still on stump detail. It has had some minor glitches which explains the length of the sentence. Ben is attending a workshop at the University during the month of June so he is only home after lunch. By noon the temperatures are above 100 so there is not much that can be done until after 5pm. Sam has been going to work with a friend of the family. I actually think he is learning more from this than from whacking away at the stumps. The boys do understand that the stumps are still waiting for them. Their enthusiastic response is heartwarming. I don’t listen too closely to the words they mutter under their breath but I am almost certain that it isn’t "Yippy Skippy!".
Michael has been attending "credit recovery" classes. So have I. I wanted to know that he was staying for the entire class and that he was focused on the material. The other students gave me a few strange looks on the first day. Once they learned that I was Michael’s mom I got hugs and a lot of "Hey Mom" every day after that. We should learn today if he has completed the required modules to get that diploma. I will give him credit. The class was scheduled to take 6 weeks. This is the end of the second and he is finished. I am grateful because those chairs are not comfortable. 
He has also reached a milestone in his life, although I am not sure it is a good one. He decided that he couldn’t live here anymore. He packed his things yesterday and is staying with friends until he ships out for basic. I no longer have any pride. I actually begged him for just a little more time. I know that once he leaves our family will never be the same, even if he comes home for visits. The whole dynamic will be different. I just wanted to be able to spend time with him without all the stress of graduation. I wanted to be able to laugh with him and to hug him when I wanted. It didn’t stop him. I am pretty sure the pieces of my heart are around here somewhere. I must look for them later.
Today is the anniversary. It has been a year since I hugged my daddy. That doesn’t seem possible. I ache from missing him. So much has happened and I feel so completely overwhelmed and lost. I know that if he was still here that I wouldn’t be able to really talk to him about all of this stuff because I lived my life protecting him. But I didn’t ever really need a reason to put my head on his chest and just let go of everything that was pressing in on my heart or weighing on my mind. I could really use some of that peace right about now.