Memories

Father’s Day falls on the 19th of June this year. This also happens to be the day that my daddy finally gave up his struggle to stay here with us and finally found peace, rest and joy. His life was one struggle after another, pain heaped on pain. He taught me so much without really saying a word.
We shared much of the same personality traits. I have a fiery temper that is unpredictable even for me. I need peace therefore I am quick to forgive. There is a part of me that wants desperately to be needed so when someone asks for my help I do my best to meet the need. Tears fall at inopportune moments. Greeting cards, sappy movies and songs from the past are usually occasions to make sure that a box of tissues is in within easy reach. I love deeply and without reservation. I am loyal, sometimes to my own detriment. So was daddy.
Some of his character just didn’t quite make it through to me. Daddy suffered much and did it without fanfare. It was almost as if he simply expected pain to be around every corner. I remember him doing his best to comfort me whenever I had a migraine or was sick. While he sympathized with illness or injury he would not abide laziness. I never really heard him insult anyone, even when they clearly deserved it. The harshest thing I ever heard him say was that someone was "not a nice person" and he would go on about his business. If my daddy didn’t like a man or woman then they were true waste of DNA because as I said before he was a forgiving man. He was always a gentleman. I heard him say "Yes ma’am" to a young nurses aid that didn’t appear to be old enough to vote. It was charming and endearing.
As exasperating as it was daddy also lacked the ‘filter’ that would stop him from blurting out exactly what was on his mind. If he didn’t like your hair or the way you were dressed you might hear, "I liked it better the other way" (if you just had your hair cut there wasn’t a whole lot you could do until it grew back!) or he would sigh, shake his head and say "It’s not my favorite" which meant you looked like something the cat left on the door stoop and you should change immediately. If he ever said "I like that" or "It looks good" then it was time to note the date and time because he rarely if ever issued compliments. "It’ll do" was high praise indeed.  Please don’t think that he was being insulting because that was the furthest thing from his mind. He was just honest and forthright. There was no subterfuge with him. You knew where he stood and where you did as well. That is comforting.
Daddy didn’t like comedies because they were just "stupid" in his opinion. Having said that, you should know that he was the goofiest individual I have ever met. He sat in the front pew at church because it guaranteed that the choir members would have a good view of his face. They all called him "PeePaw" just like his grandchildren did. On numerous occasions one of them would walk up and give daddy a big hug and then lightly slap him on the arm and tell him to stop making faces while they were trying to sing. He got such a kick out of making someone laugh. You learned never to ask how he was doing because more often than not you heard "Six of one, half a dozen of the other" which left a lot of people scratching their head and ultimately rolling their eyes. "How do you feel?" was also guaranteed to result in "With my fingers. How do YOU feel?".
There are countless photographs of his grandbabies resting on his chest, not a care in the world. It didn’t matter how tiny a baby was or how tall a child had grown. They fought to climb onto PeePaw’s lap. It was the safest place in the world and the best seat in the house. I thank God every single day that they all have memories of him. 
I think the grandchild that has suffered the most with the absence of this wonderful man is my son Ben. They were definitely opposite sides of the same coin. Daddy could talk the horns off a buffalo and Ben rarely said a word. They both loved fixing things and mowing the lawn. They loved puzzles and building model cars. If Ben ever disappeared there was no worry because you knew he was out in the shed with his PeePaw. Ben learned a LOT about hard work by simply watching daddy. If something needs to be built or repaired Ben is right there with his tools. Ben always wears a plain white cotton t-shirt when he is outside working just like my daddy. More than one person has made the comment, "Wow, he looks just like your daddy out there on that mower". When Ben went to the hospital to see daddy right after he got sick (this was the first time anyone ever considered that daddy was in fact MORTAL) and he saw daddy hooked up to a ventilator and all of those tubes and wires it was heartbreaking. Ben held his hand for a minute and then went over to the corner, sat down on the floor and cried. It breaks my heart just thinking about it.
Daddy loved hamburger steak, sausage and bacon. He drank his coffee black and loved RC cola. Daddy wouldn’t eat eggs, chicken or watermelon even if it meant starvation. He wore white t-shirts and white cotton socks always because the colored ones made him itch. He always wore his hair in a "flat top" and I loved running my fingers over the top after he had been to the barber. It tickled my palm. Daddy always had a Vick’s inhaler and Hall’s cough drops in his pocket because he had severe allergies. Before he got sick daddy always wore a uniform shirt and pants unless he was going to church. He always smelled so good. If I happened to be close by after he shaved, he’d offer his cheek for inspection. His face would feel cool to the touch and so smooth. I would kiss his cheek and breathe in the scent of Aqua Velva. To this day I love that fragrance.
He had a big heart. Even when people were unkind or even cruel daddy still loved them. He loved his parents completely. He adored my mama. I know he loved me, because he showed me in a million little ways.
 I was doing genealogy research and came across a bit of information I will never forget. A woman died when she was in her 80’s. She had led a full life filled with love, marriage, children and grandchildren. When her will was read this was found toward the end of the document: "To make me truly happy, for me to Rest in Peace grant this request. Bury me at the feet of my dear Papa". She was by some standards an old woman with grandchildren who had lived a long life but when it came to the end, she was still a little girl who missed her daddy. I know how she felt. I miss my daddy with every breath, every heartbeat. I want to hear his voice and learn from him because there is so still so much I don’t know. I want to sit beside him and hold his hand. I want to rest my head on his chest and feel his breath ruffle the curls I inherited from mama because daddy always rested his check on my head.
There is no one else like him. He shaped the person I am and showed me the person I want to be. I have heard condescending laughs and comments when people hear me refer to him as "daddy" at my advanced age. Go ahead and laugh. This man was not "Pop", "Father", "Dad" or any other variation you can think of. He was and always will be my "Daddy". He was approachable, strong and loving. He was a man among men. I will love him until time ends . Happy Father’s Day daddy.