ENOUGH already

Just as we were trying to take a deep breath I remembered that Sam might not pass this grade. I have seen evidence that he has been trying but it might have been too little too late. We shall see. He asked if I was mad. I tried to explain that there was a little bit of anger because it was time and money wasted. Most of what I am feeling is disappointment and sadness tinged with resignation. The consequences will be his.  I did tell him that there had better be a loud "POP!" that is audible in the next county at the exact moment he removes his head from a certain area of his body that should be anatomically inaccessible to him. 
I just keep looking at my feet. I put one in front of the other. The line wavers and veers off in odd directions but I try to stay on it. It is not easy.
My cousin’s baby (our April Fools baby) had been sick. Poor little thing is only 7 weeks old. She has a horrible cough. I knew that it sounded really bad. I didn’t realize how bad it was. Ellie is now in hospital. She has Whooping Cough. I almost fell over. Whooping Cough???? I had no idea it was still a problem. Well yeah it is. Ellie had not been immunized yet because she was not old enough. They thought that her mom and older sister just had a cold or maybe allergies. Sometimes people have a hard time adjusting to Alabama because of all the pine trees. Nope. They all have whooping cough. Well technically the doctor is waiting for tests results but she said from her experience that Ellie has it. The Health Department will be notifying them for a list of possible "exposure risks". Ellie is exhausted from coughing. She has stopped eating because she is so worn out from coughing that she just sleeps and coughs. I have never seen a baby that small cough until their lips turn purple. The family is on antibiotics. 
Alex (Ellie’s big sister) graduates from High School in New Orleans on Thursday. Her poor mom is exhausted from being sick herself (although she is no longer contagious) and from being awake around the clock taking care of Ellie. She is also emotionally torn because she wants desperately to see her daughter graduate but she has a hard time leaving Ellie’s side to walk to the nurse’s station down the hall. 
I was in the room when the doctor came in for rounds. The damage to Ellie’s lungs has already been done. She will go home with a nebulizer and have to have treatments. She will also probably have this same awful cough for six to eight months! She might be more prone to asthma or bronchitis as a result. Denise (Ellie’s mom) is not "from here". Alabama is so alien to her that she might as well be from another planet. Her life has been turned upside down. She moved to a new place, gave birth, is basically living out of a suitcase until they find their own place, and now her baby is dangerously ill. 
Lauren said that Denise really likes me. I am glad. Denise told me herself that she doesn’t feel the need to "censure herself" around me. Yesterday Lauren and I went to visit. It will tear your heart out to see a this tiny little baby hooked up to machines and exhausted to the point that even opening her eyes is too much of a chore. We sat with Ellie while her parents ran an errand that couldn’t wait due to the upcoming holiday. Denise kept saying she felt guilty but she would hurry. Of course she would.
Later I mentioned that it was only a four hour drive to New Orleans. I knew it would be a LONG day but if push came to shove and Ellie was still in hospital…..I would stay with her while they went to Alex’s graduation. They could drive down and back in the same day. It would be exhausting but they could take turns driving. She might just take me up on the offer. Whether she does or not at least she knows it is an option. 
We also learned that my husband has to have some tests. It seems he is anemic and that from the preliminary lab work it could either be an ulcer or "something lower". All that means a complete "G.I. work-up". I told him he had better straighten up and cut out this foolishness.
Lauren and I had our "annual" visit with the doctor. Most women dread them but we both look forward to it. We started the "buddy program" when she had to go for her first exam at such a young age because of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I figured it would be less traumatic for her. I was right. She loves this doctor as much as I do. The timing couldn’t have been better. He walked into the room and I felt a ton of weight just fall off my shoulders. He would make a great hostage negotiator. His voice soothes and reassures even when he is discussing the weather. I left his office feeling stronger. I am so glad that he is at a teaching facility now. All of the new doctors should watch and learn.
The only downside to these yearly exams is that at the end of the visit I have to make the appointment for my annual mammogram. I told the technician last year that I was going to save myself the trip to their office. When she gave me a puzzled look I just told her, "Oh I have given it a lot of thought. Next year I am just going to walk out to the truck, unbutton my shirt and unhook my bra. Then I will position myself just "so" and then slam the door on my boob. Change sides and repeat procedure." I figure I’ll get the same sensation and it won’t cost me anything.
I was in bed reading when I heard something. The sound was intermittent but persistent. It was after midnight but the sound was driving me crazy. I grabbed a flashlight and put on a robe. I walked to the end of the house and listened. There it was again. "Baby?" Then it happened again. It seemed that the noise became more frequent if I called out. I never go under our house because of my allergy to poison oak. It is not a "crawl space" but more of a "stoop space". I can stand but have to remain almost bent at the waist to prevent knocking my head on the floor joists. It was cold, dark, potentially very itchy but I took a breath and went under the house. "Baby?" I stood,as best I could, and listened and thought I pinpointed the location. I couldn’t hold the flashlight and do anything else. I carefully backed out and went back in the house. 
I woke Michael and grabbed a knife. He was grumbling about being woke up until he heard it too. We went under the house and the noise was louder still. I handed Michael the light and I grabbed the knife. I made short shallow cuts in the insulation. Suddenly a teeny black and white face appeared. The kitten’s eyes were open, but barely. She was all alone. I have no idea how she got there or where her mother was. She wasn’t going to stay in that insulation another minute though. We took her inside and cleaned her up. She was so beautiful. The softest black and white fur, like cashmere. She had one single black mark on her little face, like a thumbprint beside her mouth.  Her teeth had barely broken through the skin. I figured she was about 3 weeks old. She was also more than a little bit PISSED. 
I couldn’t let this baby keep the whole house awake so I stayed in the living room with her tucked inside my robe. For a while she was content to wiggle around and fuss at me. Then she settled down and went to sleep. That lasted an hour. I thought about going to the store and getting some milk substitute and a bottle but I couldn’t hold her wiggly little body (did I mentioned she had some wicked claws?) and drive. I felt bad but I phoned mama at 3am and together we tried to get some warm milk into her to hopefully soothe her until morning. She wanted none of that. Later that morning Lauren went and bought the supplies but it was a no go. No matter what we tried the kitten was not happy. We decided that either there was a reason that the mama had left her baby (something was wrong with it) or more likely we just didn’t know what the blazes we were doing. I didn’t want the baby to suffer for my ignorance. Lauren and mama took her to the animal shelter. They said it was very difficult to get new born kittens to feed as well as time consuming. She mentioned a foster. I hope they were able to get her to eat. Regardless of the outcome at least I know she wasn’t alone under the house.   We keep listening in case there are more but so far she was the only one.
I am fairly certain that more has happened over the last few weeks but my circuits are fried. I would beg for help but I am fairly certain it would only end up as a half hearted yawn or maybe a weak whimper.