monday

nothing much to say today but i like keeping this going. 

looking forward to a long weekend. we’re going to put up our tree. i already have a couple gifts for my husband. i should get something for my kid so he can have something to look forward to too. 

you ever get decision fatigue? i feel like i get it daily. my husband pretty much refuses to make a decision about any thing. and instead of giving genuine input when i ask for his opinion on something, he makes a sarcastic remark and acts like i should be able to derive his response from it. so, he beats around the bush and makes me work even fucking harder to figure out what the fuck he wants. god it makes me so fucking mad. you know, you work your whole life to be a good person and take advice from people. treat people well, be patient, be straight forward if you expect to get what you want. and here he is, saying fuck all to all of that and acting like of course this is how he should act shouldn’t i know what he wants? 

just now i asked him what this new show was that he put on the tv while we’re both in our bedroom. he says “what do you care? we can only watch one episode anyway because it’s a preview…..” and i stopped listening because his thing is to use more effort to not answer a question and get worked up about it than just answering it would have taken. so i got up and came into the livingrooom. so he comes in just now and asks if i was trying to hurt HIS FEELINGS by leaving the room. i didn’t even say anything. i didn’t huff. i didn’t slam anything. just calmly got up and left. and i HURT HIS FEELINGS. jesus christ. 

so many stupid ass stereo types about women are created, in my opinion, by men who can’t stand their own tendencies. just fucking be straight with me. i am straight with him. all the time. i ask for what i want. i give my opinion when asked. i am honest about my feelings but not in a dramatic stupid way. that’s what really upsets me. i work my ass off to be someone i would want to be around. sure i fail a lot but not at that kind of thing.

he’s amazing some days but most days he’s just another job. an emotional, sabotaging job that sucks the happiness out of my day.

this is why i had to make this anonymous lol. he’s lucky i love him.