*sobs*

kinda…. private and probably icky. dont read on if you dont want.

okay so, i just have something small to say.

you know, Chris and i had decided to have a baby, and weve been trying (not trying trying. not as in tracking body temp and ovulation and all that…. just…. having fun without birth control) and that time of the month was supposed to start two weeks ago.

so… i was like "omg" and freaking out a little.

took a test, negative.

before i go further, let me just say i am sick of the word "not". i cant keep taking in that word.

so anyway, i was having pain in my pelvic area, mostly on the left side. i talked to my doctor and they said to give it another week and then call back if it was still there and i hadnt started bleeding or anything.

so… i was going to yesterday, but right before work i started bleeding.

okay…. after effects of going of birth control?? whatever. put a tampon in and went to work.

got there, and half an hour later i was already leaking…. so i changed it. and spent about 10 minutes or so in a ball cuz i was cramping a ton.

okay…. still could be after effects of stopping the pill and getting a weird period.

anyway…. bled a ton yesterday, and now its really slow and stuff.

and i was having intense cramping and such, to the point where we almost went to the hospital last night. i was sobbing it hurt so bad.

scale of 1-10… 10.

so around 7 it died down, and i fell asleep instead of going to the hospital.

anyway, the point im leading up to is im kinda thinking i may have just had a miscarriage.

i dont feel the need to go to the hospital because even if they do decide to try and test even though i got a negative pregnancy test and stuff, its not like they can do anything. its like having an abortion and going "nvm, changed my mind, put it back."

cant exactly do anything. the most they can do is give me something for the pain, and thats even iffy JUST in case they dont want to since id be so early in a pregnancy, and i could just have had a really painful implantation or something.

doubtful, but whatever. im not wasting my time or money to go. the pains lessened now, mostly cuz of use of tylenol and heating padding.

im just sad. obviously, i dont know, and it could just be the worst, most painful, horrid period ive ever had in my life. but the thought is there.

blarg.

took tylenol pm to knock me out, so im going to bed.

not even super mario is making me feel better today.

maybe chocolate ice cream when i wake up.

laterz