kinda sorta freak out

many things have recently happened, and i just keep not updating, cuz i fail.

first off, josh moved in. (carries sorta bf who was living with roni and mike, ive mentioned him, right?)

anyway, him and roni do nothing but fight nonstop and he just couldnt take it anymore, so he moved in with us and its all dandy now. we get along with him just fine. its better then gary living here AND we have all our computers by each other so we just sit and play WoW all the time. its fun really. and we do more then that, like we go out to eat and watch movies and hang out and stuff. but yes, WoW is the majority of it. call us freaks and messed up and stuff but you know what? start playing wow, and not just to, like, level 3. go to like, 50 at least, not EVEN that, and tell me you arent hooked. because WoW is awesome. except when there are zombies everywhere turning YOU into a zombie which makes all the damn city guards attack you so you are CONSTANTLY corpse running. ( i hate expansions for that whole "lets intergrate the new expansion into the game") me and josh are actually planning on going and blowing blizzard up due to malfunctioning trampolines that kill you, and zombies.

ANYWAY. we also checked out northbrook and had that whole interview. well let me tell you: NOOOOOOOOO.

they want us to live SEPERATELY and abstain from sex. yes, okay, i could probably not have sex if i had to. whatever, i can live without that. but live apart?! what am i supposed to do?? MOVE BACK HOME??? they said "we find homes for people to live in during the seperation" oh, okay. ill go live with a couple of complete strangers while working 3rd shift and use up their internet. ZOMG WHAT IF THEY DIDNT HAVE INTERNET???? OR DIAL UP?????? i think id kill myself….

plus, you know, weve been living together for basically 2 years now, and we rely on eachother for our bills. we have a CHECKING ACCOUNT together, and a CELL PHONE BILL together and we PAY RENT TOGETHER. we arent each making enough to live alone. i MAY be able to if i really had to, but id have to go to a basic internet package, cut out cable, and live off mac and cheese till my wedding day. yeah, OKAY.

ugh.

so were in need of finding another place… and i am looking at the gardens again, but we need the money for it. yeah, we got josh now, which is gonna save us $300 a month (yippee!!!!) BUT we dont have the money now. so today my parents and us and chris’ parents are all getting together and talking about stuff…. and maybe figure things out. maybe.

of course because of this, im going to get almost no sleep. one of the managers is on vacation this week, and being the next up for management, i get a wonderful 6pm to 2am shift today. i got off at 6 in the morning from a painful shift (explain why soon), have to go to chris’ parents at 10, and stay there for who knows how long, and then get some kind of sleep until i have to go back to work.

the only good part is that i get off at 2 in the morning, and dont have to go back till thursday at 8pm. so its almost going to feel like 2 days off in a row…. *grin*

now the painfulness: yesterday morning i had to go to the doctor. to all females: if your OBG ever goes "we need to biopsy your cervix" start CRYING. just right there. dont think about it. just cry. HARD. because let me tell you: IT EFFING HURTS.

first off, its, like, the longest pap smear of your life. really. you sit there for, like, 20 minutes with that metal opener thingy in you, and as your sitting there with that dangling out and putting all this pressure on you, you also get to feel like the doc is taking a friendly pair of scissors to THE INSIDE OF YOUR VAGINA.

then afterwards until i fell asleep, it felt like my uterus was just a constant cramp. im pretty sure i fell asleep curlded in a ball… then until, like, i got off work, it was just this dull pain of ZOMG KILL ME.

i was ready to cry so much it wasnt even funny. i mean, i stocked a lot of the light shit, so it was okay. then i had to do the order…. and that sucked. i was bending and crouching and moving around so much… ugh.

roger was all "it should be a small load" NOPE. 1300 damn beeps. THATS HOW MUCH I HAD TO MOVE AROUND. TO CLICK A DAMN MACHINE 1300 TIMES. well, okay, maybe 1250 with the whole few double cases and stuff, but STILL.

it was my first time doing an order in 3 weeks too… and let me just say… our store manager whos supposed to know everything and be able to do it all, SUCKS AT ORDERING. it WOULD have been a small order if he hadnt kept skipping things for the past 3 weeks. half of what i ordered (not even exaggerating either, it was THAT bad) should have been ordered before, because i knew for a fact that it had been empty on the shelf for quite some time. but when i pressed the lil button did it go "previously ordered"? NOPE. it did NOT. it was just all "YESH FINALLY!"

UGGGGGGGGGGH

i have one last thing to say, and its probably the worst.

the biopsy i had done? it was because some cells from my pap smear showed up "thick"

the doc said "90% of the time its nothing. just stuff from recent sex, hormones being weird, things like that. 10% of the time its HPV or precancerious cells. if it is that 10%, 2/3 of the time, your body will fight the infection off, and you wont have to worry about it. we watch your for a year, doing pap smears every 4 months. if its still there after a year, we usually remove it."

after she finishes removing what felt like, my entire vaginal area, she goes "ill call you in 3 to 7 days with the official results, but i do think you may have HPV or precancer cells."

…. so uh, yeah.

the one thing i wonder…. cuz she said since ive been with chris for 2 1/2 years, and thats usually how long it takes before it starts showing up on pap smears, is if i DO have HPV, will i have to tell my previous sex partners?!? 2 outta the 3, no problem, ill be all "dudes, get checked, and any chicks checked" one of them though *coughjoecough*…. well…. i am NOT looking forward to that.

but yeah. anyway. my mind is currently plagued by my wedding dillema, and the fact that i could very well have cancer-ish stuff.

im gonna go, idk, read or something.

laterz.