havent known

for the past couple of weeks i havent had much going on to update about, and then in the past week or so, i havent known how to phrase anything i wanted to talk about.

so first off, my work keeps pushing me out of the store to work at sussex and q. it almost is making me want to scream "FUCK YOU" and just step down into a damn union position again, before i go nuts. but i told them i DO NOT want to transfer, and after having to drill it into their brains a billion times, they finally realized it. so HOPEFULLY, itll stop after this week. or i might scream.

or threaten to quit… siriusly. im about ready to go "no other DEPARTMENT MANAGER is getting this tossed on them, and they are getting their hours. what is it about me thats so different? if you guys dont want me here, just tell me, because i will go start looking for a new job."

and i think i might just have to. because this is ridiculous.

so in other news: ive been really upset lately about chris and this chick he talks to on wow, venuspriest, or "sarah"

its always kinda…. nagged at me, getting progressively worse all the time. i mean, i know i talk to people in the game a lot, about nongame things, particular one guy, Andrew. but its mainly cuz we just get along. and hes someone to talk to since everyone else i know transferred servers. and i know most of the time im being paranoid. but.. okay. here:

1) they talk on MSN all night long, and he suddenly went out and bought a webcam one day
2) they always talk when im asleep. i know, i know. hes on 3rd shift. but they dont talk when im awake, and hes always "im giving you my attention" but the thing is… he talks to everyone else and i talk to people and we arent really talking, so how would talking to her be any different?
3) whenever he gets up (on his off weeks) he runs to the computer and signs on instantly lately
4) if i walk in the room when i wake up in the morning, hes suddenly minimizing the window, or exiting out of WoW or MSN. again saying "he wants to give me all his attention"
5) (here i know some foreign words may be used) the other day he woke up and was like "lets do 10 man naxx together" and i was like "okay." and so we sign on, and after, like, 5 minutes, im like "are we starting?" and he goes "huh? oh, im waiting for vp to be done in maly, then we’re gonna run something together" ………………………….
6) (this run was what set me off) so the last expansion, we used to run this one raid together all the time and id be like "give me raid assist" and he wouldnt. i kinda just ignored it, but as soon as the raid started, she had raid assist, and everytime he had to split the groups around, he would put them together, and me seperate
7) they met in a guild together. he quit that guild, and joined this one, and then suddenly she was in it. i didnt think anything of that, but then all this crap starts happening. i know perfectly well he doesnt like putting up with stuff, and hes left guilds in the past for the most mundane things, but everything thats happened in this one, he wont, though hes gone "i should just quit" multiple times
8) they are ALWAYS facebooking each other, leaving these comments that are just…. not right for someone engaged
9) i was going to go on his account the other day, and i said that, as we were on the way to the dentist for his teeth getting pulled, and he freaked. he was like "no, dont do that, just wait till i can go on with you." i was like "why? i just need your guy for, like, 2 minutes, and youre going to be passed out all day" and he was like "just cuz. we never do anything together anymore" ….
10) one morning i had a physical therapy appointment. i got in the car and they called and said they had to cancel, cuz she called in for the day. so i go back inside. let me just say, he had been FINE when i walked out the door, 2 minutes before, and all the lights were off, and he exited out of MSN, and was like "i had a headache". he never does that. he takes some pills and deals.
11) hes always asking her to run stuff with him, never me anymore. ill be running around in circles out of boredom, and he just ignores me and literally begs her to help.
12) all the time in the past, when he got close to someone on WoW, hes wanted to introduce us. but he wont with her, hes keeping her away from me practically…

im pretty sure i have more, but i cant think of it. ive just felt like theres something being hidden from me, and it hurts. i spent, like, an hour crying about it the other night, and we talked about it a lot. i told him it bugs me that he talks to her, and i dont want him to right now. he said okay, but… then when i was going to bed the next night, i came out here… and they were running together and talking. and so last night i cronfronted him when i had to take his wallet to him at work and was like "you act like my wishes dont matter. it UPSETS me that you two talk, and if i truly do mean something to you, i need you to stop until i feel better" he agreed without even thinking about it, which makes me happy. it helped a lot. but im still… ugh. i cant help it. im trying, but i cant. *sigh*

so quick: chris and i were talking, and he was like "threesome" and i was like "fine, i actually think id like to" so after his initial freak out about me actually agreeing, i told him he had to find the girl. and he did. and i agreed to it. her name is Lisa, and he knows her from WoW. he finds it amusing that i dont freak out about her… but as i explained, shes not the type to freak out about. sarah on the other hand *growl*. but anyway. she lives in australia, and cant leave the country till september, cuz shes a witness from some trial thingy i guess. but then this morning changed that. she texted chris *hope she didnt get totally huge long distance charges for that….* and asked him to please get on WoW when he got home cuz she needed to talk to him. first off, apparently she has this lung problem, where the lung tissue is all decaying, and she’ll need a transplant. she should actually be dead by now, because even a transplant won’t help, cuz it’ll just start decaying again, but they aren’t going to do it till it gets too bad, to try and buy her time. so she’s living, literally, on a day to day basis, because they don’t know when or if she may die. they doubt she’ll live past her 50’s anyway. so she went in for her first ever pap smear, cuz i guess its not required there for birth control like it is here, and she found out she has 3rd degree cervical cancer. she’s devestated, cuz she probably won’t be able to have kids now, and she really hoped she’d have one. i feel awful for her. he told her she can still come and visit just for the hell of it, and i agreed. i cant even phrase how bad i feel for her. its just… horrible.

ugh. ive made this entry long enough, hopefully it’ll make up for the fact that i haven’t written much lately.

OH! im so excited right now BECAUSE ANGELS AND DEMONS IS COMING OUT MAY 15TH AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT!

o

h, and im getting my dress fitted on thursday, and in two weeks will hopefully have the florist out of the way. everything seems to be going fairly well there…. as long as chris doesnt suddenly decide he DOESNT want to marry me because im a paranoid crazy person…

bed time and stuff. laterz.