Almost first Christmas

I hurt my shoulder at work the other day, and then later that afternoon I got HIT BY A CAR, in the same arm. It hurts like a  B**** right now.

Luke’s first Christmas is finally here! It’s exciting.

Chris and I are better, after a lot of crap. But I’m still… hurt. I’ve become priority number 3 (Luke being number one of course) and it stings.

It’s better, because Chris had this other friend of his, Sarah, meet me, because she wanted to, unlike Megan, miss skank-a-ho.

I love Sarah, she makes me feel so much better. But… she is going to be leaving for the army in about a month, and that’s going to suck.

I don’t know how much more of Megan I can take. Of them constantly talking. Of him not giving a damn that it bugs me.

He’s seeing a therapist now, and I’m hoping that over time, and lots of talking, he might realize it. But… I don’t know if I’ll make it long enough before snapping.

I have to admit, if it weren’t for Luke… I think some of this would be bringing me to a leaving point. It’s not like I’m saying I’m staying with him just for Luke. I love him, and I know that he loves me too. But my self-esteem is absolute shit right now. I don’t feel like he respects me. He doesn’t ever listen to what I say, because he just gets angry about it. But if someone else, like Sarah for example, says it to him he goes "Oh, yeah, that makes sense"

It hurts to be overlooked. It hurts that, while he says he’s cut it back, it doesn’t seem like he has. He told me a couple weeks ago that at night, when we were together, and Luke was asleep, he wouldn’t really text her. He still does constantly.

He told me that he never really texts her first, he just responds. According to our phone bill… he’s initiating a lot of it. Like the other night for example. They got into a fight because he finally snapped on her and basically told her she is being used for sex in her relationship. She got pissy and didn’t talk to him after that. The next day they were talking again and I asked about it. He said "yeah, she just texted me and was normal again and let up on it" I looked at the bill… He texted her first.

He’s attached to her, and I told him that last night. He’s more attached then he wants to admit to. He can’t survive a day without talking to her. I asked him why that was. He just said "I don’t know, I just like talking to her"

…………………….

I need to give the therapy time, before I take steps.

But… I know that if this continues for too long, it’s going to get ugly. He’s getting more and more attached to her. She wants attention from him and she’s getting it all the time. He responds to everything she does. To all of her boyfriend troubles, to every single time she says she cut herself.

I just… sit here and hope, every single day, that he’ll get sick of her eventually, and come back to me. I hope we’ll be okay, and that one day we will look back on this and laugh about how stupid it all was.

Time to go wake Luke up and get ready for Christmas Eve at Chris’ parents.

Merry Christmas everyone.