Stress Pt. 1

Well, I dunno what I should start on first tonite, there have been some recent stirrins in my life lately that I feel the need to just unload. I am sure that I am known fer my ectremely long entries lol, but I am not really in the mood to write, haven’t really been in that mood lately, as obvious by my silence lately. But I depend in this site, so I must keep up appearances, shouldn’t I?

To begin with I guess, my brother and wicked sister-in-law are finally movin out of my mom’s place, but that leaves her all alone. And since between the 3 of us kids, we can’t convince her to sell her Condo and get somethin more along the lines of a 1 story home, we are stuck with a situation. Someone needs to be there with her. And since the bro is movin out and my other sister is livin in Montanna, that leaves one other child, ME. There are several pro’s & con’s here. If I move in with her, I will save $300-$400 a month, thus helpin me to save up fer the things I want in my future. If I lose yet another job, I will have the security of her help, rather then if I were in my own place, I would have no help. Yet, at the same time, by movin in with my mother, I lose the freedom and privacy I have had since I was 19. Not that it is a "prospect" at this point in my life, but the idea of datin comes to mind. Would you want to date someone that lives with their parents? I try to shy away from guys that live at home, who’s to say that the "good" guys don’t do the same, huh? Either way, weighin all the pro’s and con’s of the topic, it has been officially decided that I am movin in with her at the end of Oct none the less. The good thing bout it I guess is this time I am more grown up then last I lived with her, this time I know my responsibilities, and take them. Not to mention, I think my mother even realizes how much I really don’t want to move back in with her. But in discussin the "rules & regulations" of this move, she made a comment to me that I can’t help but havin to keep remindin myself of. She said, "Sometimes in life you have to take a step backward in order to move forward." So profound of her. And so, that is what I continue to tell myself, it helps, in a way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother to death, but I also love my freedom and independence. Even when I was married, I didn’t have that, this past year, I have learned what those two aspects of life really mean to a person, or atleast to myself. And depsite how lonely I get, and how much I think of how it would be nice to have someone special in my life, I stil value those two traits the most. I have come to depend on them. So, as much as I love my mother, I am dreadin the end of Oct. Am I wrong fer feelin this way? Am I bein selfish? God, I hope not.