Not Really Prepared, But …

I finally had enough of being nickeled and dimed and put on freeze. I put my last $20 in my car and drove out the way a little bit, only to be throttled and thrown out $2 offers repeatedly. At this point, no one’s $2 will help, certainly not if it’s spread out to two times in an hour or some such, lmao. And like I said before, I don’t have it in me anymore to scramble. The tap-dancing sessions are over, folks. “Ma’am” has done all the scrambling she’s going to do. At “80 years old”, you just get damn tired of scrambling to get nowhere and nothing back ever.

My time, my effort, my gas, my equipment, etc. is simply worth more than that. I deserve better.

It would literally take me 96 hours to do enough $2 runs to pay the electric bill anyway. Then there’s rent. I don’t see it happening off of $2 worth of income here and there, which is actually 3 or 4 dollars worth of OUTcome, lol.

F all that. I was never for it before, and I’m not for it now.

I will not return to a company that abused me, lied, bullied, interfered, and held zero accountability through it all, either. Nothing in this world would neither entice me nor force me to do such a thing. I’m not interested in “trying them out”. We already did that. It isn’t going to get better, and I’m not signing sh!t unless it’s a check for several hundreds of thousands of dollars, ha-ha.

I will let the chips fall where they may, I guess. Not much else to do.

Fear is not the emotion I feel right now. I’m not afraid of anything or anyone really. I’m more put off guard than anything else. I wasn’t exactly ready for this particular “blessing”, but here it is, kicking me in a ditch again.

We never know when a season of comfort is going to be over. It just is, and there isn’t much we can do except to keep going with whatever we have.

I have nothing in this world. I have no job. I have no beneficial gigs. There are never any supportive organizations around when it comes to me. Never any supportive people. No nothing.

I can’t give anyone anything I don’t have, so I guess it’s a wrap. I hate the idea of six years of stability being stolen, but I hate the idea of being manipulated and exploited even more.

I was thinking about tapping into my creativity and making a sign for myself. “Will work for food” or something. But with my luck, I’ll probably get kicked off of someone’s premises. The hot young girl didn’t get kicked off, but I could just see someone telling me that I have to leave immediately, lmao.

The rest of the night will be a sulking period followed by a Scrip reading period. Gotta spend a little time feeling sorry for myself. Then tomorrow will be another day, I suppose.