How My Memory Works (longform)

So my memory is pretty good for an “old” person, but I don’t keep every precise thing on file. If it isn’t significant, it’s not really there like that. Also, if I don’t want to remember it, it may not be immediately accessible. So it kind of depends on the situation or detail, how I felt about it, whether it was harmful to me, etc.

For example, I don’t have a precise date for when I last had to use an asthma inhaler because it’s not significant. I haven’t had an actual problem of that type in a long time. To get a precise date, I’d have to sift through personal diaries or documents. So I can’t answer a question like that on the fly and have it be perfect.

I can’t answer a question like when I had my last womanly cycle because it’s not significant at this time. I don’t keep record of the dates of those things anymore because I’ve had no reason to for years. Thus, I could only answer such a question precisely if I were being asked while one was occurring. Otherwise, I could only generally state that they still pop up and annoy me seemingly regularly, but I could be wrong.

I can remember the exact year, month, and day of when I was last with someone because it marked a significant event (the end of a relationship/beginning of a run of celibacy). Likewise, I can remember the exact year, month, and day of a major job I had or lost, even if was 20 years ago or more.

I can typically remember a recent quit date or term date without looking for paperwork if it was significant, but I still check documents that point to more precise dates if I need to make a specific point.

I usually don’t remember exact dates of insignificant or extremely brief stuff. Some jobs I don’t “remember” because I don’t want to.

Gig “history” can only go by a general date of when I first created and lost or deleted an account. It doesn’t give a precise account of hours of work, when/whether I was on or off or when a gig was actually dormant, being used only a little, or being used a lot.

I use such dates with the specific purpose of letting someone know I have experience doing something. It doesn’t mean that I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, and more specific details are always available upon request.

I only remember certain numbers of mine. Like I probably won’t remember some random account or member number I had years ago, but I will remember a work ID if it was a crucial or significant job. If I don’t remember, there’s always supportive documentation.

I don’t remember all names, all addresses, all faces, all numbers, etc. and I don’t have a photographic memory. I remember significant things. “Significant” could mean that it was a traumatic address/number/face/name/logo or that it was a favorable one.

Arrangements of things are learned through repetitive actions. If anyone frequents the same places for six years, they’ll become familiar with those places, too.

Processes and other data are typically only kept in my brain’s “Random Access Memory” and not on its hard drive. So if I’m “turned off” and not working somewhere, I sincerely don’t remember all their stuff like that. Most of that stuff gets wiped the moment I get “powered off” (fired, quit, etc.). Anything that does happen to get stored usually gets put waaaaay in the back of the drive in some encrypted file and has to be “found” again.

When I say I need a refresher or some time to “retrieve a process” I’ve done before, I’m not faking or pretending not to know something. It means the process did get sent to my brain’s hard drive, but it also got encrypted and put into a hidden file that has to be located and unlocked, lol. Without any help, I do eventually find the “file,” but it can take a while if my brain automatically protects/secures it when it puts it there. 

I had that happen a while back. I got zero help because I had former experience and was kind of left out there to fend for myself. I eventually pulled the information, but it was extra hard because my “system” was automatically trying to protect it at that time. Whole other story.

Most of the stuff that gets stored on the actual hard drive is stuff like trauma-related incidents and related dates, faces, events, etc. Those are usually readily available on the brain’s hard drive but kept documented in other places, too.

I don’t always move forward with complaints and such. But just because I don’t move forward doesn’t mean I lied and don’t have any evidence to back them up. If I retreat it’s usually because I’ve assessed a situation, stacked the odds, peeped the people and manipulations involved, and realized that particular battle isn’t worth my time and effort.