C-

Yesterday was a definite C- on the life scale. I’ve been handling things the best I can given all the horrid recent circumstances, but it has not been easy.

I’ve said no six ways to Sunday. I’ve said it nicely, not so nicely, and absolutely. I believe I used the phrase, “Don’t ever give that any more life” the last time I had to say no to something.

It’s dead. It just is. The spark that originally gave it life has been put out, and it’s not something that’s going to return in 30 days (or weeks or months or years). The point of no return is absolute, and nothing can be done by any person or entity to reverse it. It’s not a joke or a maybe one day when it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s a never. No means no.

Some things just can’t be brought back to life. It just kind of depends on the relationship and relationship type. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean one will reconcile or return.

Letting go of something doesn’t always mean they’ll “come back smiling about the pain and be eager to take some more.” Sometimes it just means they won’t return evil for evil, or they won’t demand compensation even if they need it and truly believe it should be given. It may also mean they’re no longer wanting an admission, apology, or any accountability because receiving them wouldn’t even help at this point.

Some relationships were never blessed or approved of to begin with. Thus, returning would mean disrespecting the disapproving person/entity/deity again, and it’s not going to happen.

So I gave myself a C- for getting a little hot under the collar last night after being presented with options I can’t take once again.  Also for caring whether anyone thinks my faith or any of my progress has been a sham. Yes, new pain can hurt and old pain is something I don’t want to be in the presence of. But like people keep saying, I have no control over it. So it is what it is.

I’ve been given another day, so I suppose I’m required to do something with it. Gonna make some eggs, do a little cleaning, and get out on the battlefield again. Definitely going to read some words from a good book, too.