The Silver Lining

Well, I talked with my troupe tonight at rehearsal.  I worked through a little of my stress over classes.  Well, guess what?  They’re behind me whatever I do.  I love them.  They’re awesome!

Every time I talk to them, I go from feeling like it’s all coming apart at the seams to feeling rather zen.  They do so much to lift me up.  I was actually dancing in my living room again!  I don’t mean because the floor was clean, though it is.  I don’t mean rehearsal, though we did that too.  I mean I was dancing just for the love of dance.  I was just kind of dancing around the living room, having a grand old time of it.  I was having so much fun!  I think I may dance again tonight, but I need a little bit of a break.  I’m just in really good space right now.

I don’t know how it happened, but I think I’m finally finding my place in the world.  The people I rely on most in this troupe are really holding me together.  Krystal has been incredible with helping write the choreography.  When I eventually post a video, you’ll know the part she wrote.  It’s the part I’m not in!  I think she and Sharon did wonderfully with it!  Gina has been a scheduling goddess!  I don’t know what I’d do without her.  Virginia and Sharon are still on the outside, just a bit, but it’s because I’m not so familiar with them.  I don’t quite spend so much time with them.  However, Sharon is always finding some way to make me feel better about myself and Virginia is so quiet and calm that her energy is just soothing to be around.  Better still, they’re no drama, or try to keep as much that way as possible.

I think all the drama in my life will pass.  I’ve gotten a good foundation for myself.  If I continue to live in happiness rather than fearing what Kim or anyone else has to say about me, then I’ll be a better person for it.  I just need to release my fear and live in the moment.  It will all work out for me in the end.  It always does.  However, stressing about it will just make it work.  I can come off the better person if I live my life in a better way.

So, I checked the account today.  I transferred money from my personal savings account.  As it will work out, I’ve got a $20 check to deposit tomorrow, and I transfered $125 from my personal savings into the main account.  It’s the only money I could transfer.  I’ve got about $25 or something in my purse as well that I didn’t realize I had.  Anyhow, due to a single overdraft, we’re down to -$57 in the account.  That will all even out when the money from the transfer hits and the check clears.  I don’t like using my personal savings like that, but it’s all I could do.  At least it’s something.  We’re staying positive financially as well as mentally.  It looks like I’m not in near as much of a mess as I’d imagined.  At least it looks like I’ll be able to get out of it.  I’ll also get paid again in a little over a week, so that helps a huge amount.  We’ll be getting food stamps on the 15th.  It’s not going to be pretty, but we can make it work.  As much as Caelan dropped the ball on this one, he didn’t do it as badly as I had thought.  The day he gets home I’m going to get on him about getting the rest of his responsibilities taken care of.  I’m starting to have confidence that this will all work out.  It’ll just take some time.

However, I’ve decided that for Christmas this year I’m going to sign up for the next level of the Dianic University priestess training course.  I’ve gone through the first level and I really wanted to advance further than that.  Unfortunately, finances have held me back.  I’m also going to order another Fat Chance Belly Dance DVD.  I figure I deserve it for all I’ve gone through, especially as I’m being so good this month and still won’t be able to go home for Christmas this year.  We’ll figure something out.

And on finances, if I have enough in my wallet by mid-week next week, I think I’m going to go buy myself another game for my DS.  I keep telling myself I’m going to buy something fun.  Games like Harvest Moon, the mindless non-thinking games, look like a lot of fun.  Then there’s the fantasy/adventure, which I’m not allowed to get anymore until I finish both Magical Starsigns and Legend of Zelda.  Once I’ve finished those I can move on.  I’d love to include Final Fantasy III in that one, however Caelan loaned it out to someone as well as Children of Mana and neither have been returned yet.  I’m getting a little cranky about that one since they were loaned out during the deployment without asking me and they’re still not back.  I’ll be playing my DS a lot when he’s not here!  It’s soothing.  Anyhow, I’m thinking I may get something along the lines of Big Brain Acadamy.  I’ve been playing that for a good portion of the day.  I hear Brain Age isn’t bad, and they’ve got a couple similar ones out now.  They also tend to be cheaper because they don’t tend to get the draw that more normal games get.  They’re not as fun, so they’re not as interesting.  This country isn’t highly about improving one’s cognative thought or anything else.  They’re about slacking off and watching television.

On the lines of Big Brain Acadamy, I’ve been thinking about that game a lot today.  When I had stopped playing it for a while when Aris got kind of demanding and I didn’t have much time for it, my grade was a B-.  I was a lot more balanced out than I am now, but I was better at the games across the board.  Now my highest grade is a C+.  I’m cruising in identify most times, but all the other skills are, well, right about where they were before, or a little better than they were.  I think that’s pretty good, considering I’d taken something like a year off of playing.  I have to wonder if I’ll really get better if I work at it.  Oddly enough, my identify and memorization skills aren’t half bad…and I always feel I stink at memorizing…  Thinking, computing, and analyzing, however…  Compute is mostly math, and I’m horrible at quick math, even quick, basic math.  Analyze has a game that I hate, a bunch of blocks and you have to put in how many there are.  It’s effectively quick math too…it’s easy enough, but on a timed test, I’m just too slow.  Think has these two games that I’m just too slow with processing through to be any good at.  I suppose I’ll improve with time, however, I’m stinking at them now.  However, it does make my head hurt.  I’m not kidding about that either.  If I play the game for a while, I start to get a headache.  It’s the same headache I got in high school when my chemistry class started to overwhelm me.  It’s not anything bad or unbearable.  It’s just not pleasant.

Anyhow, I’ve just been going on and on!  I should get to bed because I’ve got to meet with th

e FRG leader tomorrow!  I just hope Aris is feeling better.  He was throwing up a lot today.  Poor kid…wasn’t feeling well at all.

Oh!  And he climbed the stairs today!  He gave me a heart attack!  I heard this thumping on the stairs, like when he slaps them.  I instinctively said he’d better not be climbing the stairs and when I went over, he was!  He then proceeded to give me an even greater heart attack by trying to go down the stairs…

So, yeah, interesting day…

~*~Rave~*~