Single Sucks…

I’m surrounded by happy couples!  I hate it.  I’m tired of hearing the squishy "I love you" things.  It annoys the hell out of me.  I know it’s only because I’m single, but I still want it!  I don’t want to be alone anymore.  It’s sad, I haven’t been alone for all that long, but it’s long enough to make it hurt.  I hate being alone.

As much as I say I haven’t been alone for all that long, I really have.  I was literally alone from when Caelan left for NTC.  On and off before that I’ve really been alone.  It’s not just the separation.  It’s the fact that I don’t have someone to live happily ever after with.  I want to be happy again, but I don’t want to be happy alone.  I mean, I’ve found a pretty good happiness alone, but still.

I’m thinking way too much about what I need in a person this time around.  I really need someone who can just make me happy right now.  I mean, I can put my ideals out there all I want, but that doesn’t seem to be helping because I’ve been thinking that for years.  However, I can always have the idea of perfect in my head.

I don’t know…I keep thinking about someone I lost along the way.  I keep thinking about missed opportunities.  I keep thinking of way back when I was happy.  I want that back.  I miss the girl I used to be.

Me…at 19.  That was Missy/Dahrcat.  She and I met at the Vampire game and got really close.  I miss her.  I wish she was still a part of my life.  Funny…I draw her out of her shell and she finally finds happiness.  I end up being the one who becomes reclusive, like I took it from her with such strength that it became my life instead.

This was when I was 20, I think.  It was summer time.  We were at a changing breeds game.  I played a kitsune and she was a werewolf, best friends.  I kind of wish I could have spent more time with her.  I liked her.  *sigh*

Those were back in the day when I’d really smile, before I always wanted to hide.  Actually, that second picture says it all.  That’s who I was, shy, timid, and wanting to hide behind someone far more brave and bold than I was.  That’s still who I am, but I have to hide it now.  I miss those days…

~*~Rave~*~