It’s been decided…

I’m going back to Massachusetts.  No, not forever, but to visit.  I’ve been feeling homesick.  I’ve been missing everything about it back there, straight down to the snow.  I’ve been missing it all for a while now and it’s suddenly hit me.  I need to go home.  It’s been a lacking in my life for quite a while now.  It’s time to make it happen.

What made me decide this?  Well, a lot of things really.  However, the major catalyst was the pictures.  I posted them on my Tribe profile.  I got a comment from Dmitri saying I look amazing.  I wrote him back saying it’s incredible the things I can pull together last minute and he should wish me luck for this weekend.  Well, he wrote back and in all that, he asked me when I was coming to visit him.  Well, that sealed it in my mind.  I had to set a date.  I’m going to Mass in January.  I’ve even talked to Caelan about it.  It’ll be good.  I’ve been homesick for a while.  I need to go home!

So I guess it’s been decided.

Everyone’s been pointing out that he’s had a thing for me and I’m too dense and blind to notice.  What can I say?  I’m oblivious.  However, I’m afraid to get to attached to the outcome.  I’m afraid it will blow up in my face and I’ll be alone again.  This is scary stuff.  I don’t know what the deal is with all of this.  I don’t know.  I’m just really freaking scared.  Can you blame me?

So…I don’t know.  I’m wishing myself to find a way to make $400 so I can afford the flight sooner than I anticipated.  I’m willing myself to find a way to go home because I need it, not to see Dmitri, though that’s a nice side benefit, but so that I can go home and feel my sanity returning through being away from Caelan and having some sense of familiarity in my life.  I just need to be somewhere else right now, to decompress and prepare myself for the hard decisions ahead of me.  This is going to be quite some adventure.

~*~Rave~*~