Guilty Mom Moments

It’s my third kid and I’m finally going to admit it, I hate breastfeeding.  Yes, I know, it’s better for the baby and all of that.  "Breastfed is best fed!"  I love the benefits it gives my child.  I love that I’ve always got a meal prepared no matter where we are.  It’s the natural way to feed my child.  Yeah, it’s a bit of a pain since it means I’m on a tether to my child right now, but even that’s not so bad.  The discomfort and the effort of having to give up time to sit there and nurse when I could just make Daddy feed him with a bottle isn’t even so bad.  I think were my body constructed differently, I’d have no problems at all.

I don’t have any of the common reasons for hating to breastfeed.  Yeah, it hurts at first, but it’s not so bad.  Once the baby starts teething, it can be a challenge at first, but it’s easy enough to get them back on track.  It’s sometimes not so easy to breastfeed, especially in places that don’t offer private or comfortable places to nurse your baby.  These things don’t bother me.  In reality, all of that is made up for in knowing that instead of having a diaper bag, it all fits neatly in my purse right now.  There are no bottles to clean.  There is no formula to make up.  It’s significantly cheaper.  In general, it really is much easier and more convenient.  I love that.

My problem is that I can’t find clothing that fits right anymore.  I have to order bras online, which I can thankfully do this time.  The last two times, just ordering bras would mean spending $50-100 per bra.  Now I can order them from Motherhood for a reasonable price, but not really anything stylish.  My clothes don’t fit and I don’t want to invest in new nursing wear.  I gave all mine to a friend who gave all her stuff to another friend who just had her baby.  Let me tell you, being a 34E isn’t fun, especially given when I drop the baby weight again, I’ll be wearing a size 6 again.  I absolutely hate having breasts this incredibly big!

Everyone kept commenting while I was pregnant about how much I must be thrilled that I was going to have my body back again.  I hate to break it to them, but this isn’t my body.  This is the body of an out of shape, overweight porn star.  I’m sure if I just wore a low-cut top I’d have every man in the area staring at my chest.  I hate it.  I just want to feel normal again!  It was bad enough being a 32C before I had this baby, but now I feel like I’m completely disproportionate!  I just want to feel normal again!  I want to wear cute bras again, not just bras that look positively mammoth!

In the end, I just keep telling myself that this is temporary.  I’m doing this because it’s best for my baby.  I’m doing this because it’s healthier for both of us.  I’m just going to have to deal with feeling inhuman with earth-mama boobs from hell!

~*~Rave~*~