Feeling Hormonal…
Did all of this really have to start so soon? I swear, all the symptoms are starting already and I’m not that far along. I’m eating more than I have in months, which is probably good because I’ve been so far underweight. I’m tired all the time, but not tired enough to sleep. I swear I’m in the bathroom every hour because I have to pee! Okay, it’s not that bad yet, but it’s bad enough! Then there’s the other thing that’s been getting me, the hormones. Apparently I’m hitting it hard with the mood swings on this one. The last two weren’t nearly so bad with the mood swings, at least not that I’m aware of.
This evening I was blowing up over everything. Every little thing that went wrong made me so angry. I couldn’t help it! I was enraged! I couldn’t stop pacing, complaining, and yelling. In hindsight, I’m surprised Oz wasn’t ready to kill me! He was so frustrated at not knowing what to do to help me that he tried to exile me to my room like I was a little kid. When it became aparent that this was his solution, I stormed up the stairs and slammed the door to my room. Then I realized I wanted my water, so stomping back down the stairs I went. More door slamming happened when I got back to my room, only to have the process repeated again when I decided I was hungry and grabbed some Girl Scout cookies. I was still fuming and it had probably been at least ten minutes, which isn’t normal for me. Oz came up as I was trying to tear open the cookie box, and frustrated enough that I was about to throw it clear across the room and told me (which was so helpful, by the way) that I had to learn to just deal with it or he would find a way to deal with my problems for me. This only made things worse. More yelling and foul temper ensued. I swear, I was about to bite his head off for so much as looking at me! How dare he look at me? I’m fat! At least I feel that way! To which I went off on him for a good long while because he was an ass. I don’t know what was wrong with me.
Shortly after that whole disaster, he made mention that he saw I’d cracked a smile. All of the sudden, I couldn’t help it. I was smiling again. I threw my water bottle at him (only grazing him with my terrible aim…that was intended to miss anyway…) and threatened to throw more stuff at him. He didn’t believe me and said I had nothing else to throw, so I nailed him with the little container of mints. Proving that I’ve got no end of ideas of stuff to throw that was in range, the next was a Little People hippo…which we proceeded to play catch with. He threw it to me nicely and I tried to make him drop it. We were laughing again, and all was well.
It was that quick too. One minute I was about to tear his head off, the next I was laughing and acting playful again. It’s been one extreme to another all day today, and it’s been severe. I’ve been having mood swings for the past two weeks, so I thought nothing of it, but I guess there was reason to wonder after all. It turns out I did have reason to be acting that way, even if it wasn’t great reason. It’s just been a rollercoaster. Emotionally, I’m all over the place. It’s insanity.
In other related events, I almost didn’t make it to my dance class this afternoon. I decided I needed to put my head down for a bit before I left, so I lounged on the couch. Boy was that a mistake! I knocked out on the couch and woke up to the phone ringing ten minutes before I had to leave! I had to get my stuff together and hop out the door. I was supposed to write more of the choreography, but I never did! Oops. Oh well. I guess that’s what happens when you’re pregnant. Fatigue sets in and before you know it, you’re done.
What else? Oh, yeah, everyone apparently already knew I was pregnant. They said that I was getting bigger in the belly. They’re right. I am getting thicker. Of course, I’m sure some of that’s got to do with my diet. I’ve been eating like crazy! I’m also so incredibly thin that it makes a huge difference when I’m even a little bloated. I feel really bloated right now. I feel kind of fat! I’m wondering if that means I’m farther along than I thought I was. However, I tested on my birthday and it came back negative. I tested again on Sunday and it was positive. So that means, my calculations aside, the chances of my due date being off by anything more than a week are not too great. Usually a test will show negative until you’re up to four weeks pregnant, but shows true by the fifth week pretty much with certainty, at least as far as my research goes. So if I’m right, I’m four weeks along. If I’m not, I’m probably five weeks along. I’m already noticing my belly changing. If I put pressure on it, it feels slightly tough. It doesn’t feel as squishy as it used to. I amused Oz by running his fingers over my belly, pressing down just enough so he could feel what I was feeling earlier. If you press in just a bit and rub the belly, you can feel all the little ridges in the muscles. It’s pretty cool. It was never so defined before. It’s kind of cool.
So all of this has me kind of scared. I’ve got to call Laurel tomorrow and ask her for the name of the doctor she recommended. I’m going to attempt to do co-care at the local Army hospital. There’s an OB/GYN there that she said is really supportive of home births, so I’m going to see if I can hook myself up with an appointment with her. Hopefully we’ll get some more accurate dates that way.
Well, I’m finally off to bed. Oz fed me so I’m mostly full. I didn’t want to tell him this, but I’m still a little hungry. I could eat some more and I’m kind of feeling the need to, but he’s tried so hard to keep me fed, I’d feel a little bad telling him I wanted to stay up and find another snack. I’ve got to pee because of all the extra water I’ve been drinking because everywhere says to keep hydrated and drink an insane amount of water every day, which I think I’ve been drinking more than that. After that, I think I’ll hit the bed out of exhaustion and pass out! I’m whiped! And to think, at this point last time I was working with only one child at home and Caelan who was less help than Oz is. I haven’t had to do just about anything for the kids in the past two days because I’ve been cranky and exhausted. He’s been great. One would think I’d have more energy this time around. Oh well, guess not.
Sweet dreams, everyone, or oblivion…sweet, sweet oblivion…
~*~Rave~*~