Start. Relationship. End.

I started to see a young lady, who is actually older than I am….and in the span of less than two weeks, the relationship ended.

All because I said that everytime I have ever bought jewelery for a previous gilrfriend, that relationship always ended shortly afterwards. So, don’t expect jewlery from me.

Am I wrong to be annoyed that the relationship ended because I simply stated that I will not buy her jewelery? After all, would that not be the same as me saying, because you will not buy me this TV and gaming system I am ending our relationship.

She said to me that it implies that she was not worth buying something nice for. To which I responded with: ‘Jewelery is not the only nice thing that I could buy for you.’

I mean seriously, she ended our relationship because I have no desire right now to buy her jewlery, that does not mean that in months from now, or even years from now I will not change my mind. When I told a friend about this, he laughed and said ‘Good’, I am guessing he did not like her.

What really got to me though, was not the fact that she ended our relationship, but rather how she went about it. She deleted me from Facebook, did not text or call or respond to any of my attempts to contact her. She did not even have the courage to tell me that we were finished. No email, no text, no call, not even face to face. I sent her a text after I discovered that she had deleted me from Facebook saying that I figured that she did not want to date anymore, but there was a more mature way to go about ending our relationship.

I passed by her yesterday in the parking lot of our office building. She started to wave and looked like she was going to say hi. I walked passed her. Yeah, I am a little hurt still by how she ended things. I am not ready to talk to her just yet.

On another topic….

Every now and then, in the darkest part of the night, I wake in a cold sweat with fleeting memories of Lady Love playing at the edges of my sleepy thoughts. I lay there, hearing my breathing reverberate in my ears, and I wonder, does she wake like this, in the arms of her new boyfriend and wish that it was me that was holding her and not him? Does she even think of me at all? As I begin to wonder all this, sleep reclaims me and I wake in the morning, with goosebumps to remind me of how I woke in the darkest part of the night.

I often wondered while I was briefly dating this last lady, will I ever feel for her the way that I felt for Lady Love from the start? Will my emotions ever allow me to feel that for someone else ever again? I woke once, laying beside her, I took a deep breath, inhaling her scent and realized that I was not really happy there, beside her when my heart still belongs to Lady Love. So, I guess its a good thing that she ended things the way that she did, since I would not be able to fully give myself to her…yet.

On yet another topic…..

I woke the other morning with a clear memory of the dream from the night before.

In my dream, I woke up in a room that I did not know, beside a very beautiful lady that I also did not know. As I layed there, beside her trying to figure out where I was and who she was, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was as she lay there, with the rays of light from the newly risen sun falling across her features. Streaks of sun bleached brown hair mingling with the natural unsun-bleached dark brown hair, her nose that was simply perfect, high cheek bones that just emphasized her natural beauty. Her chest slowly raising with her breathing, as if to denote that level of safety that she felt there beside me. It seemed as if this was a normal occurance between her and I. When she woke, she smiled as soon as she layed her amazing green eyes on me and said good morning handsome.

When she spoke, I was able to hear a pure love in the sounds that she made, I was moved to know that someone that I had no clue who she was, loved me that much. It quickly became apparent to her that I was confused and that set off alarms. In the span of mere moments, the peaceful world around me became engulfed in chaos.

Over the course or weeks that were blurred together I despritately tried to discover who she was, who I was. I had lost three years of my life while I slept the night before I woke beside her.

***There is more to the dream that I will have to finish writing about later.****

~Now do you see?
See What?
Do you see clearly what you are meant to be?~
Rand al’Mawer, 2011