Small Update.

Hmm …

How to start this.

Since my last entry, my Lady Friend has sworn up and down, and on the grave of her dead Grandmother that she loves dearly, that nothing happened with the night that she did not come home.
Since then, we have broken up.

In April I met a girl. This girl was amazing. I wanted to spend every second with her. She made me feel like there was so much mroe to life than what I had. She made me WANT to be more than what I was. We formed a connection in the weeks and months since then. But we were strictly just friends.

Then one night a few weeks back, it took a turn. Our friendship became more. I had secretly hoped that it would. That we would become more than just friends. In September, over the long weekend actually, is when our friendship took that turn. In the weeks leading to that fateful night, my Lady Friend and I had been fighting none stop. It was bad. The Darkness that is inside of me, inside of us all, came out. It took over. I lost who I was. I started to fight to regain who I was. To become who I am again. Then I went away for a week for work.

While I was away, she was there again, the Lovely Lady from April. We spent the week together, then we spent the weekend together. We messed around, but never had sex. Just walking beside her made me feel like I was…alive. Being with her was the beacon in the Darkness that I needed. She helped to bring me back. The anger started to reside, the hate for everything that Lady Friend had done this summer started to dissipate.

And then Lady Friend called Lovely Lady…and all hell broke loose. The wonderful week and weekend that we shared had come undone. Lovely Lady told me that she did not want to talk to me anymore because of things that Lady Friend told her. Things that were not completely true. That was two weeks ago. I spent the next week trying to explain to Lovely Lady that she was what I wanted, that she was what I needed to have in my life. Through all the phone calls and all the text messages that we exchanged, I wanted to tell her that I had loved her. That the week that we spent together was something more to me than just…a week.

I asked Lovely Lady what she was doing for the long weekend, this past weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving. She had said that she was going to spend time with a friend of hers. I should mention that she lives a good distance away from me, two and a half hours by plane, direct route, and then a three hour car ride after that.

I am sad now, I am sad because I had convinced her to come visit me for the weekend, I bought the place ticket. But that is not the reason why I am sad. I am sad because she left to go home this morning.

This morning, while she was getting ready to leave, in the bathroom putting on her make-up, I gave her a small red heart. She flipped it over and on the other side it said : I Love You. She smiled.

~Sometimes the anger and the hatred fis good, sometimes out of it all something great happens.~
Rand al’Mawer 2010