Shattered Soul

When She found me, I was a lost soul.

A soul that had wandered aimlessly for the past two years. Not sure where to turn, not sure of what my next move was to be. When She found me, I was a lost soul. It was almost as if the darkness had returned and consumed me entirely.

She had found me on the 4th of September, 2007. The day she walked into my work. It was not till a few weeks later that She had truely found me. When we had started to hang out more and more often. The things that we both had in common were scary. Only after a few days of working together, we were able to complete each others’ sentences. It was like it was meant to be.

She could tell what colour I was thinking about, I could tell what colour She was thinking about. We were able to see what the next move that either one of us was about to make.

I had finally thought that I had found the one. The one that was to make my shattered soul whole again.

And for a time she did just that. For a time I was so blissfully happy that I had forgotten that somewhere along the lines I was deeply sad.

I remember the first morning that I woke beside her, we had spent the night wrapped in one anothers’ arms. It was a night of just talking, we kissed, we held each other close. But we did not progress beyond that. Not that night. When I woke that morning, minutes before She had woken, I watched her sleeping beside me. I beamed. Somewhere deep down inside me it became all warm and fuzzy. I wanted to reach out and slowly trace the contures of her face. I held back, I did not want to wake her. I wanted that moment to last for all enternity. In a sense it will, in my memory.

It was not long before we made plans to go away for the weekend. Plans that had a life long result. Our Son. As the days became weeks and in turn months. Things started to slowly change. Things went downwards.

When She found me I was a lost soul. Now I was becoming an empty soul. I started to fight it.

I lost.

My shattered soul was almost whole again thanks to Her. There are a few pieces that are still lost. A piece that is in our Son.

A piece that will never come back to me, along with shards of my heart. Those are with Her now.  Things had gone terribly wrong between us, but I will always have a portion in my heart for Her. She is the Mother of my Son.

"When all that matters is lost, so am I."
Rand al’Mawer, 2008