Partitioned Mind.

Laying in bed at night, the soft sounds of the nocturnal animals filter through the walls. The sound of my breathing can be heard, almost echoing in the room. My pillow I am surprised is not damp, I thought for sure it would be with the many nights that I cried myself to sleep.

I woke one morning, after a night that I do not remember falling asleep…my pillow was dry, my eyes did not have that puffiness to them like they had in the mornings before. My mind was clearer than it has been in weeks. It was almost as if I had partitioned my mind into two pieces, like a hard drive. I pushed the memories of Lady Love and I into one section and closed it off to the rest of my mind.

At night, when it is just me in my room, the sounds that have been my source of constant comfort, my source of constant agony, those memories creep into my mind. I see her. I feel her. I smell her. I long for her. I realized that if I had taken all the emotions that I have ever felt before for any other woman and compared it to how I feel for Lady Love, its nothing more than a drop of water in the ocean for Lady Love.

I move forward with my life. I push her into her special section of my mind. I keep her there so that I never forget her. I learn from what I had, to what I wish I had. I learn what I want. A piece of my heart will always belong to her, as will a portion of my soul. But with it all, I cannot sit in my darkness anymore. I must force myself out into the light and see what the world can offer me now.

~In the end, all that matters is what you learned, what you did, and what you leave behind.~
Rand al’Mawer, 2011