Kicked

Lovely Lady awakens a strong desire within myself to be more. To want to be a better person.

The first line in this entry was written months and months ago. I would sit at my computer and try to think of what to write. How to update that since last September, I have been happier than I have been in years? So much that I have wanted to write, and never sure how to start it or what to write about.

That all changed yesterday evening when I recieved a phone call from Lovely Lady.

"I am leaving the country for a year."

When she spoke that sentence, if I had not been in public, I am fairly certain that I would have balled into the fetal position and started to cry. Only a matter of weeks ago, she came to visit me. With promises of giving me what I want from her, we had a great time together. And now this.

I feel as though she has forced me to the ground and is repeatedly kicking me in the stomach…over and over….over and over.

The words of my friend NC ring loud in my ears, they play over and over in my mind.

"Walk away. Forget her. Leave her in the past where she belongs."

My question is this though, how do I do this when I have given her everything that I have. How does one just up and walk away from it all?

I’m learning how to let go of the past, and look ahead to the future… and that it’s okay to move on.

~Only in times of great stress will one find the true strength that is within.~
Rand al’Mawer, 2011