Death, Or Something Like It

I have wanted to write so many times, and as always, when I get to the keyboard, my mind goes blank.

This time, that is not the case. This time, I have to write about my last three days. No, that is incorrect, I do not have to. I need to.

Sunday I went over to a friend’s place for breakfast which turned into brunch. At approximately 12:50 pm, five blocks away from where I was, my sister was hit by a car.

I was notified about it an hour later.

Since then, my sister was admitted into the local general hospital here, the staff there are amazing. She has been keep sedated and on a mixture of painkillers as well as medication. Yestday afternoon, at 14:00, the hospital staff administered a CAT Scan on my sister, it revealed that she has bleeding in the brain more severe than originially thought.

Last night at approximately 21:45, my sister was medivacced out to a hospital that is better equipped to handle her situation.

While I was in the hospital yesterday, and while I went to go get my older brother and younger brother, the concept of death had come to me again. When my Grandfather had passed away when I was 16, I thought I would never be effected by death anymore. I often think about how I will handle the situation when it happens next. I had decided that in a certain order of my family, how hard I think it would effect me.

I was wrong.

So many times yesterday, while at the hospital, I nearly broke down and started to cry. I could not. I had…HAVE…to be strong for my family. There has to be one person that maintains a certain level of logic about them while this all goes on.

As of right now, I know my sister is in great hands with the new hopital staff looking after her. I have to believe that she will pull through this. That her daughter, my niece, will not grow up without her Mother there for her.

I do not believe in one organized religion, but I do believe that there is a higher being out there, a being that is watching over my sister. I like to think that my Grandfather is with her right now, in a livingroom similar to the one that we had when we were little children, with my sister beside him. My Grandfather keeping her here with us, talking with my sister about how she has to stay here with us for a while longer.

I know how far fetched that really is, but it also helps to keep my from breaking down and being completely unfunctionable. As the situation with my sister unfolds, I will keep updated posts.

~Only when death is at our doorstep, are we really free to admit feelings.~
Rand al’Mawer, 2012