The Girl With the Reticent Eyes

One Day at a Time

There was a girl I saw at work today. She looked vaguely familiar. I knew I had seen her somewhere before. She asked me for help finding Iphone cases and screen protectors. I was very busy. I couldn’t give her my undivided attention as I was busy trying to look up some information for another customer about T-mobile Family Plan phones. All I could do was direct her down an aisle from my post behind the desk. I was hoping I would finish with the other customer before she left the area so I could talk to her more. That didn’t happen. But I was glad to see she found what she was looking for.

As I continued to help the other customer it hit me hard. I knew exactly where I had seen that girl. She came to the Martinez A.A. group about two weeks ago. She was visiting with another female friend, perhaps her sponsor. I had felt kind of bad for the two of them at that meeting, as they were literally the only females in the room. We had a huge crowd that night, almost all guys, because for whatever reason, one of the largest local alcohol-drug recovery half-way houses (all male) had decided to show up, en masse, to our humble meeting that night. I’ve always wondered what it was like for women in A.A., especially young women who are newcomers . . . often finding themselves in meetings grossly outnumbered by men. I think I would feel very uncomfortable if I was a young woman in such a meeting, especially a young, attractive woman. She didn’t share at the meeting, only sat shyly next to her friend, seeming very timid and unsure. I figured she must be new to A.A. I’m not sure of her age . . . 20 something I guess. I didn’t catch her name at the meeting because Brian had sent me on a mission to the other room to grab a newcomer packet for one of the new guys during the time when introductions were going around . . . you know, "My name is [NAME] and I’m an alcoholic", or whatever.

After realizing where I had seen this girl before, I wondered if she had recognized me as one of the guys from the meeting. Right. Sure. I mean there were probably 40+ guys in that room, most of them on the younger side, like myself. And if she’s new to A.A. she probably goes to a lot of meetings. Who would she recognize someone after only seeing them once? Then again, you can’t miss my hair. I stand out from most other guys, in that sense. But still, I got no vibe that she recognized me. But I was busy, I didn’t get to talk to her much, so who knows? Actually, I’ve shaved off my beard in the time since that meeting, so who would notice I was the same person? I’ve already been told by people that do know me that I look like a completely different person without the beard. Still though, you can’t miss the hair. I wish I could have talked with her . . . but I know it was the same girl, I’m 95% sure of it. In a strange way, this experience really brightened my day, even though I didn’t get to ask her where I recognized her from.

She seems really shy. Quiet. But very cute. Sort of reminds me of a cuter version of Kimmie (remember Kimmie-we’ve pretty much lost touch, BTW, I’m afraid to contact her because I’m pretty sure she’s "out there" again and I figure she doesn’t want to have anything to do with recovery or anyone she knew in recovery, it’s sad). Yes, a cuter version of Kimmie. Shy eyes, but very pretty eyes. Dishevelled (semi-short) brunette hair. I’m not sure why but she’s caught my eye, and my imagination (just a bit). I’d like to find out who she is.

Am I crazy?

-AR

I went back to work on Sunday. I made it alright. Feeling better, albeit slowly. I’m looking back over the last week or so and I just feel like I’ve been in one massive week-long hangover. That’s how bad it’s been. I mean, as you’re going through it, you have your bad moments, but you also have your moments where you feel like you are coping just fine, after all, what choice do you really have but to cope the best you can? Then (and only then), looking back on it, after the fact, you realize fully and completely how miserable you were. What a miserable week.

I’ve got a slightly sore throat and some pressure in my ears. But I’m feeling better, psychologically. My cough is almost completely gone. I’m not congested anymore. And the biggest thing of course is that I felt fine working today. Energy level was good. Definitely on the upswing. Have no clue when I will run again. Honestly, I really don’t care right now. Whatever happens . . . happens.