Discipline

One Day at a Time

I’m not disciplined enough. I have proven myself consistent, but I have rarely been disciplined enough. It’s almost 3AM and I’m still up, still awake? What kind of real runner, real athlete does that? Stays up all night and sleeps half the day way? It can’t help me get to where I need to be . . . where I want to be. Also, what kind of real runner, real athlete, eats like I do? I don’t over eat or binge, but I eat the wrong things. Candy, soda pop, too much fat in my diet (butter, cheese, slim jims, sausage, bacon . . . pizza, Doritos, you name it; if it’s bad, I eat it). The one thing I do a pretty good job of staying away from is fast food. But I love my sugary soda, candy, chips, and pizza.  I’m a real sucker for copious amounts of REAL cheese, not the cardboard tasting low fat kind. When will I learn? I keep telling myself that since I only weigh 145lb nude weight, there is nothing wrong with the way I eat. But weight is determined by calories. That weight doesn’t mean my arteries aren’t clogged and it doesn’t mean I’m getting the proper balance of nutrition to fuel my runs, maximize recovery, etc. Also, one other thing that tells me I’m not disciplined enough . . . my reluctance to commit to a set training plan.

I have been very consistent in a sense. There have been lulls for short periods of time, but for the most part, I’ve been running strong since June of 2008 . . . over a year and a half now. THAT is the longest, by far, I have ever stuck with the running. I should be proud. Now, it’s time to work on discipline. And not just the positive discipline, but also, as I like to call it, the negative discipline as well. It’s not only about doing the right things, but it’s about NOT doing other things (or not overdoing them . . . using restraint, as it were). Sticking to a training plan and running on all the days I am supposed to will be positive discipline. Actually showing some restraint and running a slow pace on an "easy" run or running shorter mileage when I’d rather run longer mileage . . . that is negative discipline. I need to work on both.

-AR

PS: But, as my mother would argue . . . and I must consider this . . . perhaps I should be working on discipline in other areas of my life FIRST, like doing something that will get me a better paycheck and on my own? Maybe there is an argument to be made that I should only be doing the running for fitness at this point and there is no need to start a training plan. I have bigger fish to fry, you know. I keep telling myself I can do it all.

PPS: I don’t want to give up what feels comfortable. In an ironic way, I’m addicted to the food I eat, so I don’t want to give it up and eat healthier. I can only remotely get away with it since I’m not overweight. I don’t have the outward proof of being a food addict. I’m addicted to running as well, exercise in general. I’m not sure how not to be. I think there’s always going to be an addiction of some kind. You can’t get away from it. I can’t. The main concern is . . . how self destructive it is. Luckily, exercise is good for you (me) and I’m maintaining my weight, so it must not be destructive. Wow, how did I get off on all that. My point was, I don’t want to give up what feels comfortable. As for the sleep schedule thing, quite honestly, I like sitting at my computer screen at 3 in the damn morning. It’s quiet. Others aren’t around to bother me. It’s the closest thing to peace I’ve got (and I just realized how sad that is), other than perhaps that perfect moment after a good run.

3PS: If I were better spiritually connected to the God of my understanding, then perhaps I would not have the need for these little addictions, these "little" gods. Also, perhaps I would find peace outside of such moments as described above.

4PS (I’ve never used this many PSs before):  Plan is on right now to run 4 miles Tuesday (after sleeping in until noon of course).  I may start a training plan this week, or I may not.  The plan actually starts Monday (but Mondays and Fridays are off days), but this would put me on a 4, 3, 4 for mileage on Tue, Wed, Thur, off Fri, 3M Sat, then 5M Sunday, I believe.  I know I’m ready for this cardio wise.  Not sure if my joints or running muscles are though.  It’s been a while since I’ve put in a 20 Mile week.