6AM

One Day at a Time

Couldn’t fall asleep until 6AM this morning . . . I was up until 2AM playing Civilization IV (a game I recently rediscovered) but I lost the whole game because my computer went to the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH, but it’s OK because I was getting my ass kicked by the computer anyway, although it was valuable because I learned some new strategies that I will employ sooner next time (I employed them way too late in last night’s game). I woke up today at noon, but I need more sleep (6 hrs is not enough when many nights I only get 4 or 5, supposed to have my off days to catch up on sleep, or at least get 8 hrs, what I consider the "full amount", and really what I think I ought to be sleeping every night). What the hell is wrong with me? If this happens tonight I will get ZERO sleep because I have to be up at 6AM for a 7-4 shift tomorrow. I didn’t feel that anxious either so I’m not sure what kept me up. I mean I knew I had today off from work, and I really had nothing I was worrying about. I wondered if it could be the half liter of coke I drank but give me a break, it’s not like coffee or an energy drink, and I’ve crashed with a nap many times during the day despite caffeine intake. But at night, I just can’t seem to sleep.

I actually don’t feel bad physically (although I am a bit concerned, psychologically), I think due to my sleep pattern it was much better that I slept 6AM – 12PM then from 12AM to 6AM. This is because I’m sure I get my deepest, best quality sleep between about 7AM and 10AM every day. It’s just the way my circadian rhythm is right now. So imagine, I am missing out on my prime sleep time when I have to be at work at 7AM in the morning, like tomorrow.

I wish I could change my availability so I never had to work before noon. The 1-10PM or 2-11PM shifts seem to be most ideal for me to get good sleep. But the advantage of an earlier shift is, it’s quieter in the morning (as far as customers), and the sooner you start your day, the sooner you finish, which is good. They wouldn’t let me restrict my availability that much. I would have to transfer out to another department, maybe front end or something (cashier). You know though, even if I always worked 1-10 or 2-11 I would simply get used to never having to get up early, so my bedtime would simply creep later and later each night until eventually I wouldn’t go to bed before the sun rises. I seem to have zero discipline when it comes to getting in bed at night. I always want to be playing computer games or surfing the internet or something. Hard to let your brain relax when you occupy yourself late like that. Some of it is my own fault because of my past habits. But some of it is just simply that I can’t sleep, whether due to anxiety, subconscious anxiety, or simply an overactive mind (like last night, since I didn’t feel anxious).

-AR