who needs soap operas

I love my life, really I do.  Lexi and I are talking on the phone.  She’s using me as an excuse to sneak around behind her hubby’s back.  She’s not actually cheating on him, it’s more of an emotional thing.  She’s hanging out with one of her exes and his family.  They aren’t actually alone together.  But it pisses me off that she’s using me as an excuse to sneak around.  I know she’s unhappy with her marriage and she feels trapped by their kids and her husband basically treats her like dirt and all those kinds of wonderful things that screw marriages up. 

*sigh*

Then of course there is the associated stress of school weighing on my mind almost daily.  Papers, presentations, tests, internships, planning for the GRE and the MCAT and med-school….jeezus, it’s enough to make anyone want to think about suicide.  Makes it so hard not to pick up a knife, a razor, anything that has a blade and just start running it over my skin until the red runs against my skin, until I can watch my blood oozing, weeping up from my veins.  I haven’t felt the ache for release this badly in years.  It’s like every fiber in my body is crying out for it, begging me to just run the blade over my skin, just once, just once!  But once won’t be enough; it’ll just open a floodgate of feelings that will all want to be let out just the same way.

I feel inferior and insignificant and just all around crappy. 

*cries*