tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

I feel like my days are running into each other again.  It’s not a good sign when you start losing track of your days.  But it’s hard to track them when they all tend to be the same.  Work, eat, sleep.  That’s my pattern, with few changes.

I hung out with one of the guys from work last night watching the Saints/49ers game.  Guy has a girlfriend that he’s been with for a while.  He says the situation is complicated but won’t talk about it.  I don’t push the subject, I know how it feels to not want to explain things to people.  It was a pretty good night.  We cuddled a bit and talked and just hung out and it was nice.  He said if he wasn’t with his girl he’d probably be trying to get with me.  He said I was so adorable because I’m so tiny.  

Guys are forever saying they would date me if situations were different.  Why the heck can’t any of them just date me?  I mean, no I’m not looking for a relationship or anything, it’s just the fact that soooo many guys have used that line on me, it pisses me off!  I want to know why they don’t make the situation change if they’re unhappy with it.  If they want to be with someone else enough that they would or have thought about cheating, the situation is obviously pretty bad.  Most of these are guys who I would classify as ‘good guys’ but the fact that they cuddle up on me and hit on me and use lines like that when we hang out, well it makes me wonder if they really are good guys or not.  Then add in that they actually do try and kiss me?  Yeah, makes you wonder.

In other news, Kale is closing on the house today.  He has an appointment at 2.  I haven’t hung out with him in a while, mostly I’ve been too busy but then also I’m tired of intruding on other people’s homes to see him so I’ve been purposefully kind of putting him off.  Now that he’s got the house though, we’ll see if I spend more time with him.  I still am doing the waffle thing though and wondering what I see in him.  It’s worst when we don’t spend time together or spend much time talking.  I don’t know right now.  I just really wish I had answers but I don’t.  

I don’t have any answers for anything.  It sucks.

I want a simple life, a life where things make sense.  Where I work hard and accomplish things instead of working my butt off and having nothing to show for it.  I want a life with someone who is there for me at the end of a long day and will cuddle up with me on the couch and watch tv, someone I can share my life-stories with and who I can count on, someone to curl up with in bed at the end of the day.  I want friends that I can count on, friends who actually try to be my friends.  A dependable car, a place of my own, all those simple things.  

*sigh*

Xx