NoJoMo Day 22: baby it’s cold outside

I don’t know what was wrong with me today but work was awful.  I couldn’t focus or succeed at even the simplest sort of tasks, tasks I know how to do in my sleep!  Gah!  

I can’t blame sleep because I got plenty last night.  Isaac went home around 11:30pm and I got in bed and was out by 12:30 or so.  I didn’t get up until 10am so I got plenty of sleep.  I think it’s the cold and the fact that I’ve been running around so much.  Even on my days off I’ve been running around like a crazy person thanks to the holidays.  I don’t get a day off this week, I’m working straight through until Saturday that I know of (yes even on Thanksgiving).  I might have Sunday off but I don’t know yet.  I haven’t gone to check my schedule.  Coming up on the holidays, I doubt it.  Oh well.

I’ve almost finished my Christmas shopping.  I have my brother, my grandfather, and Isaac left.  Honestly I’m sort of waiting on Isaac’s because I don’t know what to get him yet.  I don’t know what to get any of them which is why they aren’t done yet lol.  I have ideas for my brother and grandfather, just waiting to find something that jumps out at me saying "buy me, buy me".

Oh, so s/n, Isaac and I were talking on the way back last night and he said something that made me pause and I have been mulling it over for a while.  We have talked about his past, particularly his ex-wives and how he ended up with them and why they split.  He says he tends to rush into things.  I don’t.  I hedge and debate and think and double think, triple think, etc.  I weigh every pro and con to everything before making a decision.  We have discussed engagement/marriage.  We’ve even looked at rings.  I’ve taken it in stride because, again, I don’t rush!!  It’s one thing to talk about things.  I’ve talked about marriage with guys I’ve never dated because hypothetically you could end up married to just about anybody.  And rings?  Please, single girls will giggle and admire sparkling diamonds on shiny silver and gold bands.  Psssssht.  Anyway!  From the way he tells his stories, he does sound like he rushed into marriage.  The first one, they rushed in because she was pregnant and he wanted to do the right thing.  The second…well, he says he can only explain it as stupidity.  

"There are things I hold myself back from saying because we’ve only been together a short time."

……o_O

Um, okay?

Things to know:

*We’ve talked about ‘our future’ if that makes sense.  We’ve talked about his plans for his futures and my plans for mine and then we’ve talked about how the 2 fit together, adjustments, ideas, plans.  He talks about going active, DoD contracts, things like that, living on base, becoming an officer, the sort of place he’d like to live in, the style of furniture, the little details.  We’ve talked about being engaged.  I said, conversationally and several times, that while I might get engaged quickly, I’d still have a long engagement.  I want my 1 year anniversary to be more than a month before my wedding date.  LOL  We’ve sat and discussed (no lie this is the conversation almost verbatim!) about how if we got engaged soon, and he took a DoD contract, he’d go overseas for 6 months to a year and make $100k+ in that time.  He’d get his car, his own place and be able to pay for the wedding plus it would more than likely fulfill my long engagement qualification.  Let’s face it, planning a real wedding takes time.  I’m not throwing something together; it will be planned and it will take a minimum of 6 months to be planned.

*He wants to buy me a $350 smartphone.  He doesn’t even care how much it costs so long as I am okay with paying the plan for it.

Hm.  I don’t know.  It’s just really…weird.  What could he mean by that?  Is he holding something back meaning he doesn’t tell me everything?  Or meaning he wants to say something but isn’t because he is afraid of my reaction?  Hrrrrmph.

Not sure what to make of it so I keep mulling it over.  I need to stop though.  *sigh*

Xx