my day off

Has been a disaster.  I woke up at 5am with intense abdominal pain and nausea.  Ended up waking up my mom who thought I might have food poisoning.  Threw up.  The pain got worse so mom took me to the ER.  I was there for over 3 hours in such intense pain, I was in tears; I couldn’t catch my breath because breathing made it hurt worse.  I could barely walk, I couldn’t even lay down comfortably.  Finally got a diagnosis of severe bladder infection, along with prescriptions for antibiotics, anti-nausea, and painkillers.  Took one of each and went back to bed.  

I feel much closer to human however I spent my entire day off asleep/feeling like death.  It was seriously like my intestines were trying to come out through my belly button.  The worst pain I’ve ever been in.  

Worst of all, I got nothing accomplished today.  I had a load of laundry that I finished last night that’s still sitting in it’s basket to be folded and put away.  I have crap all over my floor that I need to clean.  I didn’t get any study-work done so I’ll be busting my butt this week.  The worst thing though?

I still haven’t heard from Isaac.  I sent him that last text on Thursday night and even Thursday he didn’t talk to me anyway.  It’s been 3 days.  Even though all I wanted to do today was call him and hear his voice, hear him tell me it would be okay, I stayed strong and I didn’t say a word.  It hurts though.  It hurts to not know what’s going on with him, to be back on the outside of the wall he hides behind.  Worse is knowing that it’s at least partly my own fault that I’m back on that side of the wall.  If I had controlled myself better, not let my insecurities and paranoia get the best of me, things might be better between us.  But there’s no way of knowing now and that sucks.

I need some prayers and positive energy people.  The doc wrote me a hall-pass to not work until Tuesday but we all know I can’t afford to take even one sick day so I’m going to try and tough it out at work tomorrow.  Between my health and Isaac, I need a lot of help guys.  I need to be strong and I just don’t have much left in my tanks after today.